Five times five things about a baby
by Oparu
Summary: Five different AUs where John Sheppard and Elizabeth Weir have a baby, separated into five different moments in time.
1. Chapter 1

Super AU fun!

Five times Elizabeth found out she was pregnant.

hr 

I. "Home"

The butterflies in her stomach had nothing to do with leaving Teyla in charge of Atlantis. Teyla was entirely worthy of her trust. She wasn't entirely sure how well Rodney would behave, but she had tremendous faith in Teyla. Her stomach jolted and complained as she fell out of the green wormhole and landed n the SGC.

John at her side was the one thing that kept her on her feet. Maybe it was the the distance of the wormhole and the fact that she didn't have the excitement she'd had going to Atlantis; either way, there was no good reason for her to feel like she was going to throw up as John clung to her arm. Elizabeth shuddered and grabbed his shoulder as she tried to keep herself on her feet.

"You okay?" John wondered shyly as he held her shoulders level.

Elizabeth started to nod, but that made her head spin, so she just covered her mouth with her hand and held still. Marines were starting up the ramp towards them and ushering them down. She wasn't ready to move and she counted on John to pass that to them. He said something she missed in the swimming feeling in her head.

John's arm wrapped tightly around her back and he started to lead her down the ramp towards the cement floor of the 'gate room.

"Good trip?" General Landry asked with a touch of sarcasm as John held her bodliy against him. "You two all right?"

Elizabeth forced herself to shake her head in the negative as she tightened her grip on John's sleeve. If she was going to throw up, she had no desire to do it in the middle of the 'gate room, in front of the general.

"We came from a strange planet," John covered for her protectively. "Maybe it was something in the mist?"

She was damned if she was going to let him carry her, so Elizabeth held herself upright. John's arm was like iron on her back and she couldn't help wondering what Simon would think if she arrived at his house with John at her side. General Landry and Sheppard were talking, but all she could do was hang on to the smell of John's cologne on his neck.

Elizabeth hadn't really thought about it but her mother's perfume used to be the first thing she smelled in the morning, and her father's toothpaste the last thing she smelled at night. John's cologne was comforting in the same way, familar and omnipresent, as her father had been. Of course, she'd only known him for nine weeks, which would have been hardly enough time to write him into her memory if she hadn't slept with him.

She'd been weak. She'd almost lost him to that horrible bug creature on his neck and when he'd come to her quarters she'd hadn't been thinking clearly. Elizabeth had seen him as a man who had nearly died for his city, not her second-in-command.

Her forehead was still buried in the gentle smell of his neck as he half-lifted her up onto the SGC's bed in the infirmary. General Landry was talking to John as the doctor made her way over in her white lab coat.

"John?" her voice drew his attention instantly. "I--"

Vomiting into the wastebasket was entirely undignified and the medics instantly started to swarm around her. The SGC's red-headed doctor was calling for a quarantine, just to be on the safe side.

John ran his hand over her head tentatively and his whispered voice in her ear was one of the few things Elizabeth could hang on to. "Maybe you just have a stomach flu," he offered as the plastic curtains went up around them. "Corporal Price had a nasty one."

"Even a stomach flu from the Pegasus galaxy could be the next plague on Earth," Elizabeth reminded him as she spat bitter remnants of her breakfast out of her mouth. She wiped her lips on the back of her hand and startled when he handed her his handkerchief.

"I suppose I should thank you for saving me from worrying about how I'll get the plague," John teased as he waved a medic over to the plastic. "Think we can get a glass of water?" Turning back to her, he kept his left hand on the back of her neck. "Feel better?"

"As in I'm not going to throw up again," she teased as he held the water up for her to take it out of his hands. "Or as in I'm over the fact that I'm back on Earth, but stuck in a plastic tent?"

"Well, Earth isn't usually worth losing your lunch," he teased back as he stared down at the hands he had on her knees. "Though that was a hell of a wormhole," John offered as he stripped off his jacket and let the medic in a hazmat suit take his blood sample. "Maybe you just didn't feel like getting debriefed?"

She groaned and held the plastic wastebasket closer as she vomited again. Elizabth could feel her stomach tightening, and was suddenly glad John had taken the cup of water back. He was still there, trapped like she was, but he was making sure the basket stayed in her hands. He was also keeping track of her curls and she wondered how much practice he'd had as a frat boy.

"I haven't thrown up in years," she complained as she held his handkerchief against her lips and felt him shift closer.

"Chinese food I should've tossed," John ventured pathetically. "Two weeks is too long in a fridge that only sort of works."

"Fish eye soup," Elizabeth replied with a wan smile. "I was okay until I bit one."

John shuddered and asked with his eyes if he could drop the basket to the floor. "You okay?"

Elizabeth let the medics take off her jacket and smiled slightly when John started to help her get it off of her shoulders. "Give me a moment," she asked as she took a deep breath. Over the rank stench of her vomit, John still smelled like home and she held tight to that. "Stay with me?"

He turned up a corner of his mouth and slid onto the bed next to her. "I though that was the idea of quarantine," John offered patiently as he watched the medics move around them. "Not really the party I expected."

"They might be having fun," Elizabeth teased weakly as he handed over the plastic cup of water. She rinsed her teeth and spat it into the bucket in her hands. "Don't see any cake."

"The music's lousy," John reminded her as he pointed at the array of beeping machines on the wall. "Doctor's aren't the best DJs."

"I'll remember that," she sighed and closed her eyes. John's arm went around her shoulders slowly, like he was a kid at a movie. Elizabeth patted his hand and held it close on her shoulder. "Thanks."

He held her a little closer and tried to hid the fact that he was a little flushed. "Sometimes I just like to get you alone," he paused with his lips just over her temple. "You're kinda fun that way."

With his jacket gone, the only smell on him was John and for some reason it settled her stomach. "Think you could find something more romantic than clear plastic?"

One of the medics, the lead physician approached the plastic and walked right through. "Well, I'm removing both of you from quarantine, however, I'm going to need you to stick around for a few extra tests."

"I didn't touch anything!" John protested playfully as he smiled at the doctor.

"Actually, I'm more concerned with who Doctor Weir's been touching," the doctor replied as she passed over a printout. "About six weeks ago?"

The paper protested as her fingers tightened uncontrollably. Elizabeth could smell new ink as he leaned over her shoulder.

"Shit--"

hr 

II. "Letters to Pegasus"

She hadn't seen him, John realized as he stopped in the doorway to Elizabeth's office. Elizabeth was starting the camera again and he watched her cross to the desk and sit down. She looked down for a moment and he wondered who's family she was saying goodbye to this time.

When she started to speak he forgot to move. This was her message.

"Simon," Elizabeth lowered her head before she forced herself to smile at the camera. "I can start with I'm happy. I can't tell you were I am but this adventure has been so much more than I ever thought it would be.

"It's been hard sometimes, and at first I thought about you every night. I do want you to know that I wish only the best. I hope that you're happy and taking care of yourself.

"The people I'm with are amazing, talented, brilliant and so dedicated you'd be proud of them. You'd fit in well here. Sometimes I see you around the corner and it's almost like I'm home again. But, I can't let myself think that way.--"

Her voice caught in her throat and he could hear her struggling with a million things to say. Elizabeth was tongue tied and he'd never heard her that way. He didn't know about Simon, but he'd never mentioned Nancy to her. They still hadn't had the conversation, the one that came after sleeping together, where they talked about the past.

He supposed he'd have to mention her at some point, but he and Elizabeth were still orbiting each other in a mysterious dance where neither of them wanted to say what they were. John listened to her sigh and look back up at the camera.

"I don't know if I'll ever see you again, but I want this to be honest," Elizabeth sighed and John heard her hands rustle on the desk. "Simon, things here are different. It's life and death all the time and I don't want you to wait for me. I want you to live your life and be happy.

"It's been a surprise to me, but not an entirely unwelcome one. I didn't think it would be this way, and I want you to know I didn't intend..."

She was going to tell him, John realized suddenly. Elizabeth was so nervous because she was breaking something off. She was breaking up with Simon because of him. He almost missed the next thing she said because he was trying to figure out what it meant to be the guy who had a shot at the girl. The amazing, incredibly intelligent, well-spoken girl who happened to be his boss.

"Something's happened to me, and I need to follow it through. Believe me that I never meant to hurt you. I don't know if I can say how I feel, but I need to follow this through. I have to try this. You know me. I can't leave things unturned. This one kind of came and got me.

"But you're right," Elizabeth managed the tiniest of smile and John could heard her strength in her voice. "I might like being a mother, someday. Someday might be a little closer than I thought but--"

"Mother--" John repeated soundlessly as he stopped listening to her. His blood was rushing through his ears. That was it. One stupid moment together, listening to the rain on the windows in her quarters and being unable to believe he'd nearly lost her. He'd worried he was pushing her too hard, and now she was taking them both to a new place.

He waited until she was quiet and stuffed his hands in his pockets. He didn't know what he was going to say, how he was going to admit he'd been listening to her, but he was going to give it a shot. John shuffled into her office and listened to the silence as the video camera waited.

Looking up, he heard her chair creak against the floor as she stood up too. "Hey," John started pathetically trying to decide how to being. "I was out there, I was going to say something but I, uh, didn't."

"John--"

"I heard," he ventured as she crossed her arms over her chest. "You okay?"

"In what sense?" Elizabeth smirked and pulled herself up on the corner of her desk. "I've discovered I would rather let go of the man I've been with for years and try to figure something out with a man I barely know, who just keeps saving my life. Is that something to be afraid of?"

"I try not to be afraid," John lied as he listened to her foot hit her desk slowly. "Every now and then, I feel like I need to run like hell in the other direction."

"You're not running?" she asked as she toyed with the necklace around her neck. Elizabeth reached for the clasp and removed it. It clattered softly as she left it in a pile.

"Looks like I'm standing," John offered as her foot stopped moving.

Elizabeth slipped from the desk and removed her jacket from her shoulders. Silk rustled as she set the jacket aside. "Want to try dinner?"

hr 

III. "Grace Under Pressure"

"Bagged another one?" Ronon teased as he helped John and Radek lead Rodney out of the jumper. "I think I would have tossed him back."

Elizabeth crossed her arms over her chest and tried not think about how terrible it would have been to lose Rodney to the dark ocean. Her red shirt was still damp with nervous sweat and she wondered if she should have changed it. The skin of her arm was clammy and this time it was more than concern for her team. John wouldn't know unless he touched her. Which he would as soon as they started walking.

She had to look like hell when he was looking at her. She'd admitted the trouble she was having sleeping, and the reciprocal trouble she was having staying awake when she was supposed to lead meetings. John had been the one to catch her asleep on her desk that morning. Rodney and the others hadn't noticed at the morning briefing that that her red shirt she was wearing was the same one as the day before.

With Rodney's jumper down, she still hadn't had a chance to change and the fabric was sticking to her unwashed skin. Carson had suggested she take the day off to get used to her situation. He'd patted her shoulder and promised to be at her disposal if she changed her mind. Then he'd hugged her and the warmth of his arms had slipped into her body. She hadn't even realized she was cold until she flattened against Carson's chest, feeling the coarse fabric of his lab coat against her arms.

John touched her wrist to get her attention and her pulse echoed in her neck. There was still something in his touch that electrified her. Maybe that was the problem, too much time spent in contact with his naked skin; too little spent with her hands on her desk and her mind in reality.

His fingers closed around her hand and she could feel the slickness of his wet skin against hers. "Should've seen that thing," John teased as he watched Carson fuss over Rodney. "Either it was trying to eat the jumper or just waiting to get a chance at eating McKay."

"Should've gotten in line," Radek quipped as he carried equipment out of the jumper.

"Right, make fun of the nearly drowned man," Rodney snapped as he shook himself free of Carson long enough to glare at the men who had saved him. "See if I save your ass next time you're in danger."

"Elizabeth will make you," John teased confidently as he flopped on the ramp of the jumper at her feet. "She likes me."

"I'm glad you're back safely, Rodney," Elizabeth brushed her hand through his wet hair and smiled down at him. "We do need you."

"Of course you do," Rodney retorted petulantly as he dragged himself to his feet to walk with Carson. "Thanks," he offered sincerely to John as the colonel lay back on the ramp and sighed towards the ceiling.

"We'll be along in a moment," Elizabeth called after them.

When they were alone in the jumper bay he tapped the ramp next to him and suggested she try lying down. The metal was cold through her thin red shirt, but the rubber wasn't too bad. "Were you worried about us?" John wondered as he looked at the tight lines around her mouth.

"I always worry, you know that," she reminded him softly as he reached across to take her hand. His hand was dry and his skin was warm against hers.

"Fingers are cold," John teased as he rolled his head to smile at her.

"I missed you," admitting it made Elizabeth smile slightly back at him. "You remember that conversation we've been thinking about having with the SGC?"

John laughed and squeezed her hand tightly. "The one where you get fired and I get court-martialed back into the stone age? Can I vote we put it off a little longer? Illegitimacy is a hell of an aphrodisiac--" He rolled onto his side and slid closer to her ear. "Besides, I'm still waiting to see Rodney's face when I kiss you in public."

Feeling the warm of his breath on her neck, she tilted her head towards him. "Want to tell him I'm pregnant?"

His hand dropped hers and he stopped laughing; colliding with the wall of realization that she was serious. John threw his leg over hers and sat up over her body, holding his hands just over her belly.

"You serious?"

"I mentioned to Carson I was a little light-headed--"

John rolled his eyes and dropped his hands to her stomach. He ran them down to her hips and something in his eyes broke. "You nearly passed out while Rodney was briefing you--"

"I guess we were a little irresponsible," Elizabeth interrupted as she felt one of his fingers slip beneath her t-shirt. "That first time."

"The first time?" John echoed and stared at her stomach. "I was still under the influence of Carson's wonder-debugging-drug," he complained as he tried to come to terms with his fate.

"I know," she murmured. He still didn't know everything about that night and she wondered how long she'd have before she told him. "Don't feel like you have to--"

The electricity was between them seemed to be concentrated in his lips and she felt the shock run through to the back of her head.

"Can I tell Woolsey?" John teased as he rested on his heels. "I wanna watch him stutter."

"You can tell anyone you want," Elizabeth sat up and wrapped her arms around his neck. "I'll even let you tell my mother."

Breaking her kiss, he licked his lips nervously and stared at her. "Will she hurt me?"

Laughing as she dropped her head to his chest, Elizabeth held him a little tighter and sighed happily. "She'll give you a medal," she warned him lightly.

"I like those," John replied as he decided it was safe to finish kissing her.

hr 

IV. "The Return"

Elizabeth set her carton of Chinese takeout aside and put the fork away. Like her lunch and what she'd tried to eat the day before it tasted gray. Maybe it was all part of the same sinking depression. Even eating lunch with John hadn't changed it. Her lips were dry when she ran her tongue across them and she reached for her glass of water.

It was empty and she sighed as she left her computer and headed for the faucet. The metallic taste was still in the back of her throat and even the cold water wasn't chasing it away. As she headed back to her laptop, Elizabeth looked at the calendar and stopped short. Seemingly without her notice, most of October had passed her by.

Something about that nagged her, and she tried to put her finger on it; instead all she could think about was the strange grey taste in her mouth. Was it that she hadn't called her mother? Had she forgotten something? On a whim, Elizabeth went to the bathroom and opened her cabinet on the wall. She'd purchased what she'd thought she'd need. Painkillers, bandages, peroxide and a box of tampons she hadn't even opened.

She'd been home more than a month and she hadn't touched them. She hadn't been that stressed out, maybe a little down, but Elizabeth had never heard of anyone not getting their period because they were a little depressed. She wasn't sick. Her stomach didn't hurt and nothing was waving any red flags in the back of her mind.

Dazed, Elizabeth walked slowly back towards her computer. Maybe she'd lost weight and that had put her over the edge but that didn't seem right either. She'd always been stubbornly healthy. Could she be that far off without something being wrong? Her phone rang and she didn't answer it. She swished the water around in her mouth and tried to place the strange taste that clung to everything.

Her machine beeped and John started to speak.

John.

Elizabeth nearly dropped her glass and had to wipe water from her chin with her hand. She'd slept with John. It was late and he'd been too wired from his experiences to sleep. She'd just wanted to check on him, make sure he was all right, but one of them had started a kiss. Her memory still knew exactly how his lips tasted as she'd tried to avoid the stubble on his chin.

It was late and she hadn't been thinking wasn't an excuse. She hadn't planned on having sex in the Pegasus Galaxy. Elizabeth knew John was off limits. She knew better but he'd been so alive. So full of the Wraith's gift that he'd been able to share that with her.

They'd slipped back after that, got comfortable in being comfortable and forgotten what it was like to wake up wrapped in each other.

He was still talking. Berating her for not picking up when he knew she was there and teasing her that he'd stop by on his way home just to make sure she was still alive.

Being nervous was a new taste, salty and dry as she licked her lips. If she hurried she could know by the time he arrived. Elizabeth picked up the phone and tried to speak through the dryness in her mouth. "John? I actually need, would really appreciate it, I mean, if you came by."

He recovered from his shock by teasing her and the rest of the conversation was short. Elizabeth hung up her phone and picked up her purse. If she drove instead of walking, she could be home and done in a few minutes. Well, she realized it would take however long the damn things took and she had no idea. She'd been gotten so complacent with Simon. He'd had a vasectomy when he realized he was in no place for children and he'd never brought it up with her.

Did drugstores still sell them? Did she need her identification? Would it cost more than the eleven dollars she had left after picking up Chinese? Elizabeth nearly ran down the stairs to the garage and tried to slow her mind. It would have been so simple to go to Carson and ask for a blood test on Atlantis. She could have just walked down there and had him wait with her.

Maybe she should wait for John? Elizabeth wondered as the clerk at the drugstore, who couldn't have possibly been older than sixteen, gave her a sympathetic look as she accepted Elizabeth's credit card from her shaking hand. How many of these did she sell to out of work international negotiators in the middle of the night?

Trying to concentrate on the drive home, Elizabeth realized it could just be negative and all her worry would be for nothing. She forgot to lock her car and wandered shell-shocked up the stairs. She left her purse and the bag on the table and ripped it open as she walked to the bathroom. For a long moment she stood in her bathroom and felt rather foolish with the innocuous white stick in her hands.

Finishing another glass of water, she read the direction as she faced the toilet. It didn't seem that complicated and after the moment where she thought she might just be too nervous to pee, it was over. The little white thing was sitting on the edge of her sink and she was staring at the clock on her microwave. Elizabeth couldn't find her watch, and rubbing her empty wrist really wasn't helping her anxiety.

Turning on the stove and the kettle for tea took nearly thirty seconds. Trying to find a box of tea, any box that didn't have caffeine in it took another minute and a half because she'd just collected black and green tea. The microwave ticked off another minute as she found a cup in the sink and rinsed it out. The blinking digital clock was ready to change the next green digit when John let himself in.

"Hey, your door's open," John called as she poured hot water over her tea bag and tried not to taste the fear in her mouth. "You in the bedroom?" he asked as he walked through.

"Kitchen," Elizabeth called back as she hurried to intercept him. Tucking the damn pregnancy test that still needed a minute into her pocket, she tried to look innocent.

Unfortunately, John didn't need her behavior to tell him what was going on. He had a piece of the torn box in his hand and a blankly terrified look on his face. His hands covered hers and he set her tea down for her on the coffee table. "Elizabeth?" He steered her towards the couch. "Yes or no?"

She startled when she sat on it and his hands were on hers as they freed it from her jeans. Her tea was too hot to taste like anything, but she needed to swallow something. Elizabeth breathed in quickly over her nearly scalded tongue and let him look. "I left the directions in the bathroom," she offered softly.

"Two means yes," John explained as he turned it towards her so she could see. "One of them only gets activated if you, well, you know," he explained pathetically.

"I didn't actually," she contradicted as she reached for it. One of his hands was in her hair and he looked strange. She'd never seen his eyes so bright. "I've never done this."

"I'm sorry," he began to apologize as she stared at the two blue lines in front of her. "This is all my fault." He stood and turned away from her and the hand that had been in her hair went to his face. "This is probably the last thing you want, and I want you to know I'm not the kind of guy that, well, I guess I'm trying to say I won't tell you what to do."

"John," her voice sounded stronger than she'd imagined she could be. Circling the coffee table, she found herself staring into wet, hazel eyes. Kissing his cheek brought the taste of tears to her lips and Elizabeth felt her own eyes start to sting. "This is going to be okay. Somehow, insanely, this is going to work. I needed something to do anyway. I've just been sitting around here, working on my memoirs." Her attempt at levity only garnered a tiny smile.

"Guess you'll have to change the last chapter," he whispered as he wiped a tear of his off of her face.

"Maybe I'll rewrite the book," she teased and set the stick down next to her tea. "Might need to change a couple things."

"Feel like ice cream?" John changed the subject as he pointed to a bag he'd brought to her table. "I suppose it's kind of early now, ice cream's supposed to come later."

"Will you stay?"

John stopped with his hands on the plastic bag. "For ice cream? 'course, I will."

"Longer than ice cream?" Elizabeth moved a stack of useless papers out of the way and turned back to him.

He left the table and reached for the tiny bit of plastic on the coffee table. Staring at it thoughtfully, he tucked it into the pocket of his shirt. "As long as you'll have me."

"If you brought chocolate, that could be awhile."

hr 

V. "The Game"

Her eyes flashed when she was angry. Her hair bounced around her shoulders and ruined her image, but her eyes always reminded him she was angry. Elizabeth's cheek were pink and her hands slammed emphatically into her desk. This time she was past angry. This time she was all the way to pissed off, and by the way Rodney was cowering, neither of them were getting out of it any time soon.

He distracted himself by watching the tirade. Rodney was nearly pouting, and John imagined he didn't look much better. There was something beautiful about Elizabeth unleashed that he was deeply fond of. Maybe it was the way her shoulders tightened, or the way she moved her hands; he loved it. Her lips were glistening and she seemed barely contained in her small body.

Rodney was let off the hook first. Elizabeth stared him down for his stammered apology and let him slink off to his lab with his tail between his legs. John watched him go almost enviously as he watched Elizabeth sink into her chair and turn her attention to him. He wouldn't get away with just an apology. He, even more than Rodney should know better, and Elizabeth liked Rodney.

Sometimes more than she liked him.

John waited for his turn, but she had her attention only on the monitor in front of her. "Where would you like me to start?" he asked after it became apparent she wasn't going to start.

"John," she bit her lip and shut her computer. "I need you to know where to start. I need you to step up and be my second. I need you to make all the hard decisions when I can't make them and support me when I do."

"I--"

She shut him down. "It's not that I don't want you to play games with Rodney," Elizabeth's eyes narrowed and John couldn't help being aroused by the pursing of her lips. "Play Tetris, play chess, play those terribly violent games Ronon was teaching the Marines. I just need to know you'll back me up, and if I wasn't here."

"Why wouldn't you be here?" John interrupted as he stood and moved to her side.

"If the IOA tries to send me home, you'll have to run Atlantis," Elizabeth explained as she opened her computer again. "And I need to know that you'll run it. Put yourself above Rodney and be able to handle things."

He touched her shoulder and watched the muscles in her neck tense as she turned towards him. "Have you done something that the IOA is going to get their panties in a knot for? Are you trading secrets with the Genii? Or making secret plans to market that game on Ebay?"

Her hair tumbled around her head as she laughed weakly. "Sleeping with my military commander might get me sent back, don't you think?" she offered more seriously as Elizabeth turned her eyes from the computer screen towards him.

"No one needs to know about that," John insisted as he leaned closer. "I don't even think anyone here suspects anything."

"They will," Elizabeth mused through tight lips. "We can't hide forever."

"We can until we come up with a better plan," John insisted as he insinuated himself onto the corner of her desk. "Then we'll make a case for how necessary we both are and the IOA's just going to have to live with it."

"No, John," Elizabeth started as she stood and cupped his face in her hands. "We- I made a mistake and the IOA sending me home is a real possibility."

"You don't make mistakes," John teased as he kissed her hand and watched her flush.

"I'm pregnant," she offered bluntly. "I thought we were being careful. I thought I was ready to try," she smiled sadly down at their interlocked hands, "This with you."

"Why didn't you?" he stuttered as he stared down at her stomach and then back at her softening expression.

"Carson caught me today, on my way to my briefing on your game," she explained as an emotion John didn't recognize floated across her face. "I was going to tell you."

"When you got done making me feel like a child?" he teased as he waited for her to smile.

"Something like that."

He shrugged and found himself incapable of not grinning like an idiot. "At least we know you've already got the mom voice down," he teased as he squeezed her hand all the tighter. "You scared me, you can scare Woolsey."

Her eyes narrowed, twinkling as she met his eyes. "You think so?"

"Oh I know," John shuddered and reached for a curl of her hair. "Trust me."


	2. something was different

Five times something was different because Elizabeth was pregnant.

I.

"You look different," the elder Elizabeth rasped as she watched her younger self try to smile. "I see myself in you, certainly, but it's more than just living here that's changed you."

The young Elizabeth swallowed the strange Athosian tea, that seemed to be the only thing she could keep down, and stared into her own eyes. "I don't know if you'd believe me if I told you," she murmured softly and looked away when her stomach rolled violently. Setting the tea down, she tried to concentrate on the gentle mint scent of the herbs. Teyla had been trying to help her mediate through the worst of it, but sometimes her body was just too strong for her mind.

"Are you feeling sick?" the elder Elizabeth asked bluntly moving her eyes in concern. "I think Carson is still just over there." Pointing a frail hand made her younger self try to smile again but the gesture was still pathetic.

"I keep hoping it'll get better," the young one answered evasively closing her eyes in an attempt to get her equilibrium back. "It started on this planet, M5S-224, these aliens tried to convince us we were back on Earth--" Stopping when she realized she was rambling, the young Elizabeth reached for the hand of her other self and sighed. "I'm sorry, you don't need to know about the aliens."

"It's all right," the elder assured her patting her hand and smiling patiently. "I don't have much time left. I like that I'm spending it with you, John, and Rodney--" she smiled in the direction of the sleeping men. "You've gotten so close to them."

"Too close," the younger said clapping her free hand over her mouth and turning away for a moment.

"When did we sleep with John?" the ancient one asked. Her voice was gravely, but her eyes were twinkling.

"How did you?" the younger one began before sighing and realizing she must be able to read her own behavior.

"We were too busy to get the implant, weren't we?" the elder remembered as licked her dry lips. "We didn't think--"

"I never thought I'd--" she stopped and bit her lip in response. Elizabeth's eyes were tearing up beneath her dark hair and she forgot to hold back. "Simon deserves better."

"Simon's an entire galaxy away," Elizabeth assured herself reaching for the tears on her much younger cheek. "You're here and it's all right to be here. You'd want Simon to move on if you couldn't get back. You might not get back. I think," she paused and smiled softly at herself. "I think you have to let this be because it's all you have. Life is..."

"...short," the younger Elizabeth finished for her counterpart. "I'm sorry," she whispered wishing she had something better to say. "I shouldn't be bothering you with this."

"Tell me when you, when we-" the elder corrected herself smirking in amusement. "Slept with John."

"We didn't mean to," the younger one answered as cheerfully as she could. Elizabeth's head ached from her valiant effort not to cry on her own shoulder, but she could still smell the age on the skin of the other. it reminded her of her grandmother and when the elder her made room on the bed, she dropped her hand to the other's lap. "He died for the city. Carson brought him back but, I had to sit there and listen to Carson try to shock the life back into him."

The other elder Elizabeth rubbed her hair gently, reminding her even more of her grandmother. "I know," the elder agreed softly. "I lost him."

"It was late," the younger admitted helplessly as she let her tears fall into the infirmary blankets. "I thought about Simon and I thought about the damn rules and I just--'

"He's a good man," Elizabeth reminded herself as she patted the younger woman's shoulder. "My John was a good man for the time I knew him and I see the way he looks at you." Her strength was fading and she could no longer feel the softness of the younger one's hair beneath her hand. "I trust him."

"I have too," the younger one repeated as she sat up still wiping her eyes. "We didn't make the appointment for the implant."

The dying Elizabeth settled back into her pillows and stared through herself. She wasn't sure if she would have wanted to trade places. The other her had a long road ahead of her. "You are, aren't you?"

The young Elizabeth could only nod soundlessly as she glanced over at the sleeping John.

"You're going to be fine," the elder reminded herself again as she closed her eyes. "Take it a day at a time."

Tightening her grip on the fragile hand within hers, the younger Elizabeth tried not to think about losing herself. Watching herself die was a strangeness she wasn't sure she was ready for. "I'm afraid," the younger one finally managed to whisper as she kissed the hand she held. "We know so little about this place and I'm not ready--"

One decrepit finger moved slowly to cover the young Elizabeth's lips. "Take care of yourself for me," she asked weakly fluttering her eyes open just enough to meet her counterpart's gaze. "If my reward is that you get to have this gift," she paused to make sure she was heard. "I expect you to make the most of it." Her request only created new tears on the younger face and the elderly Elizabeth lifted her arms.

When the younger one dropped her head into her embrace, the dying woman felt as much of her alter-ego's emotion as she could. Soaking up the younger's uncertainty, the older Elizabeth watched through bleary eyes as John silently snuck off of his bed.

He didn't make a sound as he came closer. His eyes asked permission and when she gave it he hovered just behind his Elizabeth. John crossed his arms over his chest and waited. His eyes stayed on his Elizabeth and even when he looked to the older version; she saw a gentleness she hadn't known was there behind the pilot's bravado. He knew; that was painful obvious in the way he took the cup his Elizabeth had been using and left the room.

Her nose had stopped noticing the smell of the other Elizabeth's hair or the dampness of her silent tears. The warmth of the other version of herself on her chest was fading and it had nothing to do with her moving away. Her body was done. The other version would still have to fight with her body and try to make do in this strangely wonderful city. Her body was simply shutting down.

John returned and when the elderly Elizabeth nodded to him, he knelt by his Elizabeth and offered her a fresh cup of tea. Tears were still coursing slowly down her face, but she took it once she realized it was him. Her eyes offered her thanks and the dying Elizabeth watched them stare at each other. There was hope and the beginning of something else in their eyes.

For a moment she let herself feel the embers of jealousy heat her dying heart, but those too were content to fade. She'd performed her task. Her city, her people had lived to see the sun over the ocean. It seemed that this universe had a lot more in store for her than she would ever see, but she didn't mind. She was tired and the sudden sound and smell of her younger self vomiting helplessly into John's lap made her smile sympathetically.

It wasn't all bad, being the one who got to sleep, she thought. Rodney was just waking up and John was dealing with her younger self. He'd have his hands full, she thought as she smiled. Life was going to continue in a very different fashion than she'd imagined in her long sleep and part of her was glad she didn't have to deal with the paperwork.

II.

When John started running out of the chair room, Rodney dumped his computer on the floor and ran after. It was foolish to try to keep up with the man in much better shape, but adrenaline spurred Rodney on. His boots pounded the deck and he could feel himself start to sweat as he ran, but he kept going.

"Wait!" he screamed down the corridor. "Wait you can't--"

The major kept going, stupidly set on his suicide mission.

"Dammit, Sheppard!" Rodney yelled after him as his ability to run started to give out. His body just wasn't meant to run after people in much much better shape. He was supposed to outthink them. "I know!" he called desperately. "I know about the--"

The sound of John's boots on the stairs stopped suddenly and Rodney's insane dash after him actually caught up. John stared down at his friend. Rodney panted in a forlorn effort to regain his breath.

"You know?" John asked stupidly. "How can you?"

"I was listening..." Rodney started as he dropped his head slightly. "I shouldn't have been, you and Elizabeth were having dinner alone in the mess hall and...I wanted..." his chest heaved, "...I wanted to know what you ere talking about. I didn't know it was that I swear. I mean, I knew you two were getting close but I--"

"There's no time for this Rodney," John snapped as he tensed to move again. "The Wraith are-"

"I know!" Rodney interjected with sudden clarity. "I can't let you do this. You can't-" John started to move and Rodney had to follow. Clambering up the steps behind him, Rodney grabbed his jacket with a strength he didn't think he had. "I'm going to," Rodney promised with all the force he had.

"No," John argued simply staring him down as if he could force Rodney to concede.

"I know what it's like to have a dad," Rodney babbled grabbing John by the collar and holding on as he apologized with his eyes. "My dad wasn't the greatest, but I know you and you're not him, you're--" he paused, feeling his heart settle in his chest as he realized he was going to die. "You're going to be fun, and you're not as dumb as I tell you you are. I can't be that guy," he pleaded as he slipped past John on the stairs. "I can't be the guy who has to tell the kid that his, or her I guess, his dad died because I was a coward."

"I realize I'm not the best choice, the city needs me," Rodney continued as stopped a moment to stare at John's shocked expression. "I can't let you do this. Not with her, not like this. I'm sorry." Rodney, who had never successfully punched a man in his life, slammed his fist into the John's chin and sent him reeling back against the steps.

"I'm sorry." Rodney finished as he started to run. He didn't see the faces in the control room stare at him as he ran by. He heard Elizabeth call after him but he didn't turn. He had to get up to the jumper before John. He had to do this before he lost his nerve.

When he finally flew the jumper out into space, Rodney McKay experienced something he'd rarely felt in his life; a blissful sense of calm and purpose as he stared down the Wraith hive ship. This was why John always took the dangerous missions for himself, he decided as he sailed towards his doom. There was something kind of relaxing in knowing just how it was going to end.

III. somewhere before "Michael"

Ronon was laughing when he dialed in. Ronon wasn't usually the one to dial in, so that alone had Chuck wondering, but it was the deep, rumbling laughter that made the technician wonder what could have possibly happened on M42-77A. Colonel Sheppard was immediately behind him, glaring over his shoulder.

"What happened?" John demanded with raw concern.

Grinning as he turned around, Chuck tried to keep his face somewhat together. "Ronon says we're going to need a mop for the gateroom," he explained as he erased his smile.

"Is Elizabeth all right?" John pressed as he started for the stairs.

"Everyone's fine," Chuck assured him as he watched John jog down the stairs. "Just a little dirty," he finished as listened to Ronon continue to explain. When Zelenka patched in, both men starting laughing.

John paced back and forth in front of the 'gate, waiting for the chevrons to finish and the event horizon to appear. It wasn't going fast enough and he glared up at the control room as the 'gate finally opened. The moment before anything happened took an eternity.

Then, finally Teyla came through. The petite woman was soaking wet and she'd either been swimming clothed or caught in some kind of downpour of epic proportions. She was not only drenched, but covered in a gooey black mud that dripped from her hands and clothing. She smiled sheepishly at John and tried to calm his alarm.

"I apologize if we caused you concern with our early return," she began calmly to ease his frustration. "The negotiations went extremely well. Elizabeth perfected a treaty that should allow both sides to share minerals rights in a way they find acceptable."

"And where is she?" John asked curtly ignoring almost everything she'd said.

Major Lorne was dirtier than Teyla. Mud was in his hair and his back was throughly coated with the mushy stuff. Either he'd taken a nap in the sloppiest puddle or-

Ronon escorted Elizabeth through the 'gate, holding her arm to keep her on her feet and chuckling deeply as the 'gate snapped off with a hiss. Elizabeth had both hands on Ronon's arm and were it not for the tiny splotch of red visible on her chest, John might not have recognized her. Her dark curls were matted to her head with mud, and she had tried to wipe it out of her eyes. That gesture had left streaks all over her face, and the rain had made her look like a grayish-black ghost of herself.

Ronon tried to let her stand on her feet, but somewhere along the way, Elizabeth had lost her shoes. Her attempt to stand on the slick floor in just her muddy barefeet sent her reeling forward. John caught her, feeling her laugh as she clung to him. Ronon had a handful of her jacket, just in case John hadn't moved in time.

Elizabeth was still laughing and trying to catch her breath as Ronon crossed his arms over his wet leather. "She fell," he started simply.

"There was a treacherous part of the path," Teyla tried to assist Elizabeth's pride.

Shaking her head and staring sadly at the mud covering John's black t-shirt, Elizabeth sighed pathetically and let John hold her up without complaint. "It was actually pretty flat," she explained softly. "I shouldn't have, but I just fell."

"Into a river," Ronon added as he watched Lorne try to see how much mud was covering him and grinned.

"It was more like a swamp," Lorne corrected as he gave up and just waited to be dismissed to the showers.

"It was very sticky," Teyla added as she watched John stare in amazement at the dirt on Elizabeth's face.

"I couldn't get my feet out," Elizabeth explained as she took a deep breath and tried to stop giggling. "The Major tried to help me."

"And they both fell," Ronon interrupted cheerfully enjoying John's dumbfounded look. "But I got Lorne out."

"We were not able to free Elizabeth," Teyla continued calmly trying to reign in Ronon. "So we decided the only course of action was to leave her shoes behind."

"My socks stayed too," Elizabeth added sheepishly as she glanced at her feet. Trying to move just made John hang onto her harder. He reached for his face with a clean hand and managed to get some of it off. Elizabeth pulled him closer and brazenl kissed his cheek, leaving a black splotch on his face. "We were lucky and the 'gate wasn't very far away."

"it was just muddy," Lorne added with a tiny smile.

"Very muddy," Teyla agreed.

"Slippery," Ronon finished with a wicked grin. The only mud on him was on his chest and John couldn't help wondering if it was all from Elizabeth loosing her footing.

"But the mission was a success John," Elizabeth tried to console him. "No one even tried to shoot at us."

"Still two casualties," Ronon reminded her as he started to leave the 'gate room.

Elizabeth looked confused until Teyla explained. "Your boots, Elizabeth," Teyla reminded her as she too excused herself.

"Sir? Ma'am? If you don't--" Lorne ventured before he started to lose his ability to keep a straight face as he watched John.

"Thank you Evan," Elizabeth offered as she dismissed him.

John rubbed the dark blotch on his face and stared at her as he shook his head. "Perfectly safe, neutral planet, trade negotiation. You're the only one with that kind of experience. You're the only one who knows mining theories--" he stopped his tirade and stared into her apologetic eyes. "Didn't you use to be graceful?"

Elizabeth hit his chest and squealed very unprofessionally as she slipped and he wrapped his arms tightly around her to keep her on her feet. "I think you've ruined me," she murmured as he tried to clean her lips with his thumb.

"I remember you being graceful," John continued as he took a step towards the transporter. When she slipped again, he glared at her in concern. "I should carry you."

"John," Elizabeth warned as she looked around at everyone in the control room pretending not to be watching. "If you lift me up everyone will know we're--"

"We're what?" John interrupted managing to smile slightly at her sudden shyness. "Dating?" Lifting her up without giving her a chance to protest, he shrugged and decided he could get used to the smirks on the expedition's faces. "They know."

"Maybe they--" she protested for the last time.

"We know," Ronon interjected firmly as he grinned up at Chuck. "Everyone knows." Radek looked oddly jealous and extra people began to appear in the command center.

"You are not exactly discreet," Teyla added with a soft smile.

"I'm sure this isn't helping," Elizabeth argued as she squirmed slightly in John's grip.

"This is a safety issue," John insisted as he refused to put her down. "You've been overruled."

"I'd do it," Ronon offered with a brilliant grin. "But you'd get me dirtier."

"You definitely found a way to make more work for the laundry staff..." John murmured cheerfully as his residual fear faded away. She'd made it back, dirty but intact, and he was starting to believe they could made it work. "What happened?"

"I tripped," Elizabeth explained again with an exasperated sigh.

"Is that part of being pregnant?" John teased when he was fairly certain only Ronon and Teyla could hear him.

Teyla shrugged. "Not in my knowledge," she offered neutrally.

Ronon's grin turned wicked. "Yes," he answered mysteriously. "Wait until she gets a belly--"

IV. "Tao of Rodney"

"What do you mean I'm going to die?" Rodney demanded as he tilted the control chair back tot he ground and stared at Elizabeth. Reading minds certainly wasn't fun anymore. In fact, he hated the whole thing as he stared into Elizabeth's and John's concerned faces. John was worried, more worried than he wanted to admit and that had Rodney terrified.

He ran through their entire thought-processes, sharing John, Elizabeth and Ronon's opinions on the whole idea. Rodney's concerned built in paranoia as he felt the fear in the minds around him. Elizabeth was so worried she was sick to her stomach.

"It's just one more in a long line of abysmal, over ambitious failures..." Rodney ranted as he tried to sort through all the through around him. "Oh God, I'm a dead man," he realized finally as one of the other scientists realized his power project was getting out of control. "Yes! Yes, it's because I stopped in the middle, I will fix it." He dropped back into the chair, feeling everyone's concern outweigh his own shock.

It only took a moment to finish what he was doing. With his mind numb at the prospect of his own death, it went rather quickly. When the crisis was averted, Ronon was content to trust him about the science, John was relieved and Elizabeth was fighting with her self control. Did every life or death situation make her this nauseated?

No, Rodney heard in her head as he listened more intently. She just hadn't had time to eat. Worrying about him was cloudy her worries about something else. He wasn't the only one that noticed her suddenly turn pale. John touched her hand and emotion flashed inside of her head. John's simple motion set off a chain reaction of thoughts that tumbled into Rodney's head like a string of dominoes. The crash ended in one simple set of terrifying thoughts.

"You're pregnant?" Rodney gaped as Elizabeth swayed slightly on her feet and John's hand tightened on her arm.

The entire science team stopped moving. Ronon's mind was suddenly amused. John was concerned and Elizabeth was mortified. Rodney could almost feel her embarrassment run over her in a wave with her nausea. He wanted to help. He wanted to take that feeling away and his hands itched like he almost could.

His eyes landed on John. Even without Rodney's new telepathic powers, John's hands nearly gave away everything their owner was thinking.

"You?" Rodney asked suddenly as he stared down his friend. "You did this? You two--"

Ronon rolled his eyes towards the ceiling and just grinned.

"Eww," Rodney started as John and Elizabeth's minds both brought up thoughts of the other in bed. "Don't think that--" he waved his hands and tried to sort everything out. Elizabeth's thoughts spiked sharply and Rodney shared her wave of dizziness. Had it been this bad before? Had she been hiding it? Was the stress making it worse? "Stop thinking about each other in bed, my God!" Rodney exclaimed as he swallowed and wondered if sharing Elizabeth's thoughts could actually make him throw up.

Elizabeth made a small noise and Rodney was lucky John's rush of desire to protect her overwhelmed the sensations of her stomach. The science team had stopped pretending to work and was watching. Rodney could hear two of them wondering if Rodney would throw up before Elizabeth did. Doctor Akurei thought it was sweet.

Ronon was just smug. Incredibly smug.

"You knew?" Rodney demanded as he twirled to stare down the Satedan. "You told him?" he asked as he glared at John. "No, he guessed?" a look at Elizabeth confirmed it. "Your sister had four kids?" he got from Ronon.

Ronon nodded easily, oddly comfortable with Rodney speaking for him.

"Are you okay?" Rodney asked suddenly feeling his own concern bubble up for Elizabeth. Her mind ran the gamut between terror and a rush of something so primal Rodney wasn't sure how to deal with it. "You--" he stopped and locked his eyes with Elizabeth.

"Really?" his eyes softened as her mind shyly confirmed it. "But? But what?" Rodney asked as her doubt made him look at John. "Of course he loves you," Rodney confirmed without question as he waved his hand.

Elizabeth hadn't known. She looked like Rodney had just announced that John too was pregnant. Her, their, nausea returned in a rush.

"Sit, sit, you need to sit before I throw up," Rodney insisted as he realized he couldn't shut out that feeling. "You didn't say anything?" he pressed as he stared down his best friend. "You're my best friend!" he complained as John's mind whirled.

"You wanted to wait," Rodney realized quickly. "You thought she might want to tell me? That it wasn't yours to tell?" he shot a look back at Elizabeth and watched as she squeezed John's hand that much tighter. "She says you could have told me. She didn't expect it to be a secret."

"You didn't say you loved her?" Rodney demanded as Elizabeth's mind wandered back to that. "You," he stared into her face with new respect. "You waited until the wraith nearly killed him, and then told him you loved him?"

"And you couldn't say anything?" Rodney turned to John.

"You didn't say it out loud," he clarified as he listened to Elizabeth. "You just jumped him?" He stopped, putting up a hand. "No, stop there, that's enough." He threw up both hands. "Both of you, stop, it's too fast. Can you please stop wanting to throw up? You're really making me sick."

Elizabeth's eyebrows knitted together apologetically.

"Look," Rodney left the chair and touched her shoulder. When he touched the other one his hands started to glow. The newest addition to his ancient powers momentarily covered her with a golden light. "Oh God dammit!" he stopped suddenly when she didn't get any better. "I can bring people back from the dead, but I can't cure morning sickness?"

"No, it's not funny!" he whipped his head towards Ronon.

"You're really going to do this?" Rodney looked from one to the other. "I'm not going to get to see--" he stopped and swallowed his selfishness. "No!" he stopped suddenly and stared at John. "You can't call it 'Meredith', even if it's a girl."

He looked back and forth between the two of them, feeling something he hadn't shared with anyone float between them, still unsaid. "You really...huh," Rodney's face broke into a smile. "I think you'll be great together. You'll be too strict, and your kids are going to be the worst in the galaxy to babysit, but wow..." In spite of himself, his eyes were stinging. "You two?"

"No you didn't know the whole time," Rodney shot over his shoulder at Ronon. "Shut up. Stoppit!"

"Rodney," Elizabeth interrupted gently pulling his attention back. "We--"

Rodney stopped listening to Ronon's thoughts and whirled back to hr. "You love me too?"

hr 

V "Sunday"

John shouldn't have been nervous as he walked into her office. He could have been playing golf with Ronon. Elizabeth didn't need him bothering her, she had enough on her mind. It was just, she hadn't really talked to him since she'd told him. She'd avoided him when she had time off and seemed uncomfortable when she had to talk to him. They couldn't go this way.

He knocked on the side of her doorway. "Hey," John began easily with a nonchalance he didn't feel.

Elizabeth looked up, startled away from her typing. "Oh, hi," she answered weakly.

"Shouldn't you be having a day off?" he teased as he advanced on her desk.

"I have a lot of work to do," Elizabeth replied cooly hoping he'd take a hint.

"It's a mandatory day off," John pressed as he took the chair across from her and settled into not leaving.

"John," she begged as reasonably as she could. "I'm really behind on these."

"That's not like you," he said reaching for one of her trinkets. "You okay?"

"I get headaches," she admitted as she looked straight up at him over her computer. "It hasn't been good for my stamina lately. Carson's worried--"

"Elizabeth!" he interrupted suddenly sitting up. "You can't--"

"I'm just tired more," she explained as she tore her eyes away from him. "I'd rather not have this conversation with you. Don't you have plans?" she tried to change the subject.

"Ronon cancelled on me," John lied through his teeth, trying to sound as pathetic as possible. "Something about fishing with Carson."

"I really have a lot of work to do," Elizabeth reminded him as she looked up again. Memories of his eyes staring hungrily into hers assaulted her. She couldn't have him. Not back in Atlantis when they had to be so much more than a man and a woman who needed each other.

"Take a break," John ventured as he set the trinket back. "Have lunch with me."

She couldn't and he should know that. "John," Elizabeth tried to sound serious enough to scare him away.

"You need to eat, don't you?" he reminded her stubbornly.

"Yes, but-"

"You can eat with me," John reached for her hand and made her jump as he took it.

Pulling her hand away, Elizabeth shut down the part of her that wanted to hang on to him forever. "This isn't going to work, John."

"You're not even trying," he shot back angrily as he left his chair. "You tell me you're pregnant, you have one conversation with General O'Neill and you shut down. You're even avoiding me," he accused her and watched her face remain stoic.

"I could lose focus," she whispered to her laptop more than him. "I could make a mistake."

"I thought you already had," John snapped at her with more venom than he intended. "On Earth we're fine, but as soon as we get back--"

"Don't blame this on me," she fired back at him as she stood up to face him. "It takes two to make this kind of mistake."

"That's all this is to you?" John demanded as he circled the desk to stare her down. Disbelief made his eyes strangely cold. "Something that keeps you from doing your job?"

"Lives depend on my job," she snarled back at him as she tried not to think about how close he was. "I can't just get up one morning and start trying playing happy family with you just because we slept together."

"We didn't just sleep together," John corrected as he grabbed her shoulder. "We got pregnant." His anger faded as he stared at her. "We're in this together. I-" he eased her back into her chair with a second hand on her other shoulder. Sinking to his knees in front of her, he looked up at her pleadingly. "i want to know that you have headaches. I would have helped you with your paperwork. Dammit, Elizabeth, I'll take on the whole IOA for you if I have too." His hands dropped to his knees. "Let me be part of this."

"John," she started as she lost her resolve. "I can't have a relationship with someone under my command."

"Bullshit," he corrected quickly. "We're having a relationship. We've been having a relationship for god only knows how long. You know we have. You know how we feel. What you can't have is sex--"

"Bastard," she whispered icily as she glared at him. "You don't know what you're asking me to do."

"I'm asking you to stop trying to pretend nothing is different," John begged as he reached for her face. Elizabeth pulled back but he kept reaching. "if we're going to have this baby--"

"John--"

"If we have this baby," he continued as he stopped with his hand a breath away from her cheek. "I want us to have it together. If that's not what you want-"

"I's not about that," Elizabeth retorted as she tried to stop herself from tearing up. She thought it was entirely unfair that her emotions were already starting to run circles around her but she couldn't stop herself from tearing up. "I never thought I'd have children. I never meant to. John, I'm terrified of how much I want this baby."

"But?" John waited expectantly rocking back on his heels.

"You and I isn't right," she whispered as her tears overran her eyes. "I can't be in a relationship with you. I don't--"

"Trust yourself?" he finished for her as he slowly got to his feet. "How can you send me to my death if you have feelings--"

"I love you," she interrupted as she flew to her feet. "I can't look at you because all I can think about is--"

It took him a moment to react and several more seconds for his mind to believe she'd actually said what he thought he'd heard. The kiss was long and slow, buying him enough time to sort the maelstrom in his head.

"We're going to have lunch," John whispered as she wrapped him in a desperate hug.

"Okay," Elizabeth finally agreed as she buried her face in the familiar safety of his shoulder.

"I would die for you," he reminded her as he refused to let go. "i would have died for you before."

Shaking her head as she let go, Elizabeth let him see the tears on her face. "You would have died for Atlantis," she corrected as she met his gaze. "Do you have any idea how frightening it is that now it would be for me?"

"Why don't we start with lunch?" John suggested as her words cut through to his heart. "The cafeteria's usually free of any death-traps."

"John, I--" she started to elaborate.

"It's just lunch," he reminded her as he reached tentatively for her hand. "Maybe tomorrow we'll try dinner, or even breakfast."

"John," Elizabeth stopped them again.

"Elizabeth," he sighed heavily and awkwardly hugged her again. Once she relaxed, he started to smile. "Lunch doesn't have to be the beginning of the rest of our lives. It can just food."

"Nothing is 'just' when I'm with you," she murmured in response. "It's a little scary."

"So's the meatloaf," he teased and his eyes sparkled.

"Don't," she begged as she released him without being amused.

"Maybe you just need to trust me," he suggested as he took a step towards the door. Reaching back, his hand waited for her.

Shutting the laptop, Elizabeth took the hand he offered her. "I do," she replied softly.


	3. someone got kicked

I. "Trinity"

"You blew up a solar system!" Elizabeth started with the kind of rage and disappointment that made Rodney flinch.

"It was only three-quarters--" Rodney started to argue.

"The report says five-sixths," she corrected as she slammed the tablet down on her desk.

Wincing again, this time for the computer's sake. He raised his hands defensively and took a step back. "I didn't mean too. That power source could have changed our lives. Powered all of Earth, we had to risk it."

"That risk did not entail destroying planets," she snapped as she crossed to him. Rodney couldn't help backing away slightly. Elizabeth's moods had become more treacherous lately. He really couldn't blame her. She had no back up. They'd had brief contact with Earth, but a series of desperate situations with the Ori had left them nearly stranded in Pegasus. If he and John hadn't been as lucky as they were...

Rodney stopped listening to Elizabeth's lecture on responsibility and realized that he had almost been responsible for John's death. John, who was not only his best friend, but odds were fifty-to-one in the mess hall's pool against anyone else being the father of Elizabeth's baby. Sumner, oddly enough was in second, though he couldn't have had more than a few moments alone with Elizabeth. The speculation was good for morale. At least, that was what Rodney told himself. In reality, he just liked ribbing John.

"-The system could have been inhabited and millions could have been killed!" Elizabeth continued as she backed him almost to the wall. "Do you have any concept of what kind of power you held? The danger in your 'experiment'?" Her eyes stopped burning for a moment and widened in shock.

Rodney almost missed it because his mind was working overtime. John had been evasive about Elizabeth's pregnancy. Elizabeth hadn't even bothered making a public announcement and had just let the rumor mill take over once it became obvious Colonel Caldwell hadn't noticed, or he wasn't talking to the IOA. It had to be John's baby. John was the kind of guy girls fell for. He found himself staring at Elizabeth's breasts and the way her jacket was too tight over them and it hit him suddenly that Elizabeth was a girl. Behind the Phd and the towering rage she directed at him, correctly so he admitted in his mind, she was- god--

"You're in love with him," he blurted out in the middle of her sentence. "Elizabeth, I swear I didn't know, I thought you were just letting him go with me because you trust his judgement more than anyone's but--"

She blinked and looked as if he'd suddenly changed the nature of the universe. The angry hand that had been making her point by his head, dropped exhausted to her side. Her eyes did something strange and she backed up a step. Something changed in her posture. She wasn't looking at him.

"Elizabeth-" Rodney started nervously as he reached for her shoulder to steady her. "You okay?"

"Yeah," she stumbled slightly over the words, suddenly having trouble focusing on him. "I'm sorry. I- um-" she swallowed and forced herself to concentrate. "You could have been killed," she explained finally as she lifted her head. "You could have been killed for an experiment, no matter how important you thought it was."

Rodney's mind was way past that. Something had happened to her. Something so distracting she'd stopped yelling and nearly lost her equilibrium, and now instead of being angry, her eyes were shining. He didn't understand. "Elizabeth?" he asked again, forgetting to be afraid that she'd hurt him.

"I'm sorry, Rodney," she repeated as she retreated towards her desk. "We might have to continue this later."

Whatever it was happening again and her instinctive tightening of her grip on his arm scared the hell of out him. His heart was beating too fast and it had nothing to do with the idea that he might have made a colossal, deadly mistake. "Do you want me to ah--" he moved his arms helpless towards the door as he spoke. "Get somebody? Beckett? John? I mean, you haven't--" For a moment he slipped back to his old self. "You haven't yelled at John yet."

Elizabeth's face went stone through her shock and Rodney immediately dropped his gaze to the floor. Completely chagrined, he melted beneath her eyes. "Sorry, sorry, I just--" he started a thought but abandoned it. "Is something wrong?" he tried again and this time tried harder to be more sensitive. "You look like something's wrong. You might not want to tell me because you hate me now. Look, I know I'm not supposed to talk about you, and it was way, way out of line to accuse you--"

"Rodney--" she tried to stop him.

"I know you're not in love with John," he rambled as he let her hang onto his arm for support. "That would be crazy, you'd never, I mean the two of you would never, but, I- I guess- I think- I could listen, if you need to talk about it. I know I'm not- but, I can listen, really. I would. I would do that for you if you wanted, I mean, if you--"

"Give me your hand Rodney," she requested softly as she broke off his tirade and saved him the embarrassment of trying to find a thought.

"What?" he protested in surprise.

"Rodney!" she rebuked as she grabbed his hand and placed it on her stomach.

Jumping back in surprise, he tried to pull his hand away. Elizabeth was far stronger than she looked and he couldn't get his hand back. Something foreign, alien, kind of like his cat playing with him beneath a blanket, moved underneath his hand. His other hand twitched nervously and he tried to get over the fact that Elizabeth had him captive.

"That's--" he started dumbly as his mouth opened without another sound.

"Distracting," Elizabeth murmured as she released his hand. To her amusement, it remained on her belly, and Rodney's fear started to fade from his eyes.

"Really weird," Rodney added as he pulled his hand away a bit.

"It's okay," she insisted as she let him keep it. "He or she seems to get excited when I'm excited--"

"Or pissed off?" Rodney asked as a trace of the kicked puppy look that made her feel so guilty returned.

"Sometimes," she softened the idea with a smile. "I need you to listen to me," she requested as she stared him down with the distracting wetness still in her eyes. "We don't have back-up here. If something happens to you or John, or anyone, I can't get you back. So yes, I'll get angry with you when I think you put yourself in danger without a good reason--"

Covering his mouth with her hand was the only way to keep him from protesting that power was a good reason.

"I need you here in Atlantis," she demanded firmly with the same kind of voice that stopped him in his tracks. "I need you to keep things going for me and NOT destroy innocent solar systems--"

"Got it," he answered quickly. Removing his hand with a reverent look, he started to escape out the doorway. "Elizabeth?"

She had her hands on her desk, eyes closed as she tried to focus through, what he imagined, was a nearly painful, really fucked up sensation. Turning her head slightly towards him, she sighed and forced herself to stand upright.

"Do you?" Rodney ventured bravely before he lost his nerve. "You do, don't you? I mean, it is his, isn't it?"

II. "Epiphany"

Teyla was beginning to find Elizabeth in the mess hall late at night a common event. Last week, Elizabeth had finally confided that the later at night she ate, the better she felt in the morning. She almost expected to find John with her. Their reunion on the planet after John's encounter with the time-dilation field had been rather poignant. The expression on John's face when it finally sank in that he was going home to a city where no time had passed and his child had not been born without him was one she had never seen before.

Maybe it was because the creature had knocked all of them down, and nearly hurt Elizabeth. Maybe it was because after all that time of being alone, John had realized something more important. The kiss he'd pulled Elizabeth into was the type Teyla could not watch without feeling her eyes tear up. In a galaxy plagued by death, love was most precious. This was something Earth humans did not seem to grasp, even after their many encounters with the Wraith.

Elizabeth had a stack of napkins between her and her computer, and a pile of food that seemed better suited to Rodney's plate than hers. She looked up shyly and started to giggle as Teyla approached. "What are you doing up?" she wondered as she licked her spoon and set down her pudding.

"I was meditating," Teyla offered as she assumed her expression must be humorous to Elizabeth in some way. That or Elizabeth was nervous. Earth humans often used laughter to cover their insecurities. "I thought I would like some tea. Since you are here, I will appreciate your company as well."

"I was trying to do paper work," Elizabeth explained sheepishly as she pushed her food away and reached for her computer. "But I get hungry, then I can't focus. Then I come down here--"

"Rodney has already explained that you are a menace to your computer, and he has had to clean it three times," she offered so Elizabeth did not have to explain. "He suggests you learn to eat more carefully."

"Hence the napkins," Elizabeth said smiling innocently. "I'm trying to keep it separate."

"How is John?" Teyla asked gently as she studied the surface of her tea. "Is he relieved to be home?"

"He's asleep," Elizabeth admitted with a tiny smile. She licked her lips and the smile turned into a brilliant grin that left pink on her cheeks.

"Is that your doing or his?" Teyla asked with a grin of understanding. "Ronon thought he was in the mood to spend some time alone and I would have to say he's right, if your sudden appetite is any indication."

Elizabeth sputtered through her tea and started to laugh. Her blush was all the way to crimson as it ran across her face. She grabbed two of the napkins to wipe her chin, and kept laughing. "I missed him, I did-" she paused and patted the liquid that was running down her neck sheepishly. "I just didn't expect."

"Did not Rodney say six months had passed for John?" Teyla reminded her as she reached across to another table for more napkins. "It must have been difficult for him, wondering what you were going through here. Without him."

"But we're not-" Elizabeth protested as she attempted to drink from her cup again. Her blush was fading slightly but she was still trying not to laugh. "We're not-"

"Wether or not you consider yourself to be with John, your heart is with him," Teyla smiled as she reached for some of Elizabeth's popcorn and sniffed it cautiously. "What did you put on this?"

"Curry powder?" Elizabeth ventured as she reached for it to double check. "And butter, I guess, oh and garlic." She smirked as she remembered. She dipped her popcorn in the ketchup on the side of her plate and felt Teyla's eyes on her. "Sorry," she muttered as she put her hand over her mouth. "Either nothing tastes good, or everything tastes good, I don't seem to have a middle ground."

"Do you consider your relationship with John to be that way?"

The simple question just made Elizabeth start choking again. That, or the disgusting combination of things on her popcorn, Teyla mused as she got up for more napkins. When Elizabeth reached for her water glass, she knocked it over, and only Teyla's quick hands saved her laptop from a soggy fate. Elizabeth got to her and started to apologize, but she was still coughing too hard for it to make much sense.

"I believe you are both deeply involved with each other," Teyla explained simply as she cleaned the table. "Perhaps it would be easier for you to just admit your feelings to each other and work from there. I believe there is something more than friendship involved if he was more interested in going back to your quarters than showering."

"He showered, after a while." Elizabeth interjected childishly as she stared down at her hands and the crumpled napkins in them. "It wasn't just about me, he--" Letting go of the napkins, she brought her right hand to her belly. "He thought I was alone," she offered as awe snuck into her voice. "He spent every day in that place worrying about me being alone. I only spent a few hours worrying how to get him back." She sat down slowly, still keeping a hand on her belly. "It doesn't seem fair."

"Your feelings for him and no less relevant because they have had less time to develop," Teyla soothed as she circled the table to take a closer chair. "I do not think he would want you to feel pressured to share feelings he has. Nor would he want you to be uncomfortable."

Elizabeth smirked wryly and raised an eyebrow. "Discomfort's really the least of his fault. We made the decision to sleep together as adults, it was my decision to continue--" Her eyebrows tightened in surprise. "Speaking of discomfort," she explained with sigh. "How does he, or she know exactly where my ribs are at all times?"

"It is John's child," Teyla offered reaching for Elizabeth's belly and resting her hand over one of the sore spots. 'He has certain, unique ways of doing things."

Closing her eyes for a second before she relaxed, Elizabeth pulled Teyla's hand down. "I never thought I'd do this," she mused as she let Teyla find what was bothering her.

"Is it not common on your world for people in powerful positions not to have children?" Teyla wondered grinning as she let the warmth of her hand soothe the twisting baby.

"Not all of them," Elizabeth tried to explain more coherently but whatever was going on with her was nearly painful and dammed distracting.

"She will calm," Teyla assured her as she waited for the child to take her suggestion. "What prevented you?"

"Not being so irresponsible," Elizabeth remarked cooly as she sighed and reached for her laptop. "I was in a relationship with a man who knew we were both too busy for children."

"Among my people, there is no such thing," Teyla teased as she searched the face of the other woman and found her insecurities.

"But you aren't married?" Elizabeth contradicted as she looked between Teyla's hand and her impossibly calm brown eyes. "Shouldn't you be?"

Shrugging to Elizabeth, she saw a sleepy, though clean shaven, John enter the mess hall and fix his eyes on them.

"You have never asked," Teyla pointed out with a soft smile. "My husband died in a culling, along with our two children."

Elizabeth's lips moved as if she was trying to decide if Teyla was joking, but it was too brutal to be a joke. She tried to come up with something to say. Anything that would be appropriate, but she ended up just staring.

John advanced behind her and he put a finger over his lips to indicate that he wished to surprise Elizabeth. Teyla took both of Elizabeth's hands into hers and held them tightly. "Your feelings are separate from his. If he loves you, and from what I have seen that is now the case, you are under no obligation to return that feeling."

Surprising Elizabeth, Teyla took her head and lowered her forehead to hers as she stood. Elizabeth had never shared the gesture before and she was slow to lean her head in to meet her. "However, if your heart is moved towards him, I would not fight it. Few things in life are more precious than love, even for a short time."

When she broke their contact, Teyla simply touched Elizabeth's shoulder. "Good night, Elizabeth, I hope you find your answers." She passed John with a smile as he advanced on the rather unsuspecting woman left alone with her computer. "Don't surprise her while she is trying to eat. It becomes messy."

She heard the squeal of surprise and the sounds of John and Elizabeth hurrying to clean the table before Elizabeth's laptop had another brush with death. Teyla heard John speaking for a moment, then silence. When she turned to look before she left, Elizabeth was holding him tightly and all was right between them. Smiling to herself, she found her way down the corridor towards her room. How an entire planet so backwardly anxious when it came to their feelings ever reproduced at all was something she'd have to ask Ronon for his thoughts on.

III. "Progeny"

His huge hand nearly covered the entire bump of her belly. Ronon's eyes were twinkling as if he'd discovered something wonderful. Elizabeth sighed, staring up at the ceiling of the puddle jumper and waiting contently. John was driving, arguing with Rodney. She could hear his voice and that made her smile slightly.

"Give him a minute, he's been busy," she advised as Ronon waited patiently.

"How'd you convince John to let you come on this mission?" Ronon wondered as he watched his hand remain still on her skin.

"I didn't," Elizabeth admitted as she shut her eyes lazily. "Rodney thought if we were able to negotiate with the population, they'd allow us to take their gate."

"I thought you were against moving established villages," Ronon reminded her as he listened to Rodney and John bickering.

"I am," she murmured with a tiny smile. "But, I haven't been off Atlantis since M42-77A-"

"The mud planet," Ronon interjected gruffly.

"The mud planet," Elizabeth repeated patiently. "i just wanted to get out for awhile."

"Even if you have to listen to that?" Ronon asked, still staring at his hand.

Still smiling, Elizabeth nodded her head slightly. "Sometimes, it's nice just to listen to the engines and know you're somewhere else."

"Even with them?" Ronon asked again in disbelief.

"Even with-" Elizabeth's voice stopped as some body part of her child caused a moment of pain as it impacted her ribs. "There--"

"Seriously?" Ronon wondered as he lifted his hand and put it back again. "That's it?"

"Feels different when it's in you," Elizabeth murmured softly.

"I guess," Ronon replied and she could hear him shrug. "Kinda like a parasite?"

Elizabeth's eyes popped open as she laughed. "You'd have to ask John, I've never had that kind of parasitic infection."

"And he has?" Ronon wondered as he turned towards the cockpit. "Sheppard? Parasite? What's she talking about?"

"Oh!" Rodney piped up, deeply amused. "He had this bug on his neck--"

Reaching across, John smacked Rodney's shoulder. "We're not talking about that thing."

"Your wife was talking about parasites," Ronon offered in an attempt to save Rodney from further damage. "She mentioned it."

"Oh did she?" he asked turning from the controls and glaring at his wife's knees. "Honey?" he called back sarcastically. "What did we say about talking about those damn things ever again?"

Sighing heavily, Elizabeth lifted her head and turned towards him. "I'm sorry," she offered shyly. "Forgive me?"

"Do I have to?" John whispered towards Ronon for help. Rodney just raised his eyebrows and turned towards the control panel without a response.

Ronon slumped back to the floor next to Elizabeth and shrugged. "You have to sleep with her," he pointed out easily. "Might be easier if you did."

"Why did I let you even come on this mission?" John snapped back playfully. "I could have insisted you stay on Atlantis where it's safe from parasites."

"Teyla needed some practice being in charge," Elizabeth teased without sitting up. "And you missed me. You were just saying last night."

"In bed," Ronon rumbled just to make Rodney nervous.

"Would you stop doing that?" Rodney shuddered as he tried to wipe the idea out of his mind. "Ever since that time in the conference room."

"Sorry about that--" Elizabeth apologized again.

"We said we were sorry--" John interjected with an exhausted sigh. "Maybe you should just learn to knock."

"Yes, I'll knock before I walk into any public room that just happens to have the door locked--" Rodney complained as he stared ahead at the planet that was suddenly way too far away.

Elizabeth dragged herself to her feet, groaning slightly as the pressure returned to her back. Ronon grabbed her arm and steadied her as she headed for the back of John's chair. Touching the back of John's neck, she made him jump.

"Hey," he started grabbing her hand and bringing it around to kiss it. "Rodney, wanna drive for awhile?"

"Yes, please," Rodney said immediately taking advantage of the distraction piloting would give him. He didn't know how Teyla and Ronon put up with the changes in John and Elizabeth. Sometimes it seemed like Woolsey was the only person who understood how weird it was that his boss and his best friend were sleeping together on a regular basis. He wondered if that was why Teyla had been John's 'best man' at the wedding.

"How you doing?" John asked as he held her hand close to his chest. "You okay?"

Elizabeth nodded patiently, letting him sneak his arm around her back. Moving her hand from his chest to her belly, she smirked at him. "Feel that?"

"Doesn't that hurt?" he teased as he kissed her cheek and snuggled closer to her.

"Almost," she replied smiling as he lead her to the back of the jumper.

Ronon headed to the front, flopping into the chair Rodney had just vacated and shut the door to the rear compartment. "Think they'll be quiet?"

"Quiet?" Rodney asked, his head shooting up in confusion. "Quiet? What are you talking about?"

Ronon's eyes twinkled as he rolled them towards the back of the ship. "No reason," he insinuated with a wicked smile.

Rodney groaned suddenly."No," he shook his head. "Just don't go there."

Leaning back in his chair as he closed his eyes, Ronon started to hum to himself, as if he was trying to block out some sounds that hadn't started yet.

John's sudden laughter from the back didn't help the situation. Elizabeth said something, but it broke off sharply and John's laughter came back even louder.

The only thing that popped into Rodney's head was the theme for Star Wars, but he decided humming it was safer than not.

IV. "First Strike"

"It's a review, mom," Elizabeth insisted as she tugged her camisole over her slightly swollen stomach. As if protesting her motion, the baby twisted and pressed into her bladder. for a moment, the sudden urge to pee was a harbinger of things to come before the baby thankfully moved aside. "It's not a hearing, it's not a tribunal, it's just a review," she struggled to think of a better way to describe it. "They need to make sure my condition will not interfere with my job."

"Can they even do that?" her mother demanded through the door of the spare bedroom. "It's not like you meant to get pregnant. Did you?"

"No, mom," Elizabeth called back as she buttoned her silk blouse as far down as she could and counted on her jacket to hide the rest. Her suits that she'd left on Earth with her mother still fit, but her shirts had been more tailored. "I wasn't trying to get pregnant. I wasn't trying to do anything." Her pants stayed up with the help of two pins near the zipper, and again, her jacket would hide them. If the IOA had given her more time she could have bought another suit, but they'd give her all of an hour's notice.

"You obviously did something," her mother teased and Elizabeth heard Sedge's feet in the hallway. "When do I meet him?"

"Who?" Elizabeth yelled as she ducked into the bathroom for her earrings. The baby moved again, this time displacing her stomach. If the little bugger kept it up she'd be awfully nauseated by the time she had to speak. That would certainly help her cause. "The IOA?"

"John!" her mother replied laughing as she opened the door and watched her daughter fumble with her earring. "Let me," she decided as she realized Elizabeth was going to injure her ear trying. "Is he on Earth now?"

"He's at the SGC," Elizabeth sighed as she held still so her mother could fix her eyeliner. "I tried--"

"When are you leaving?" her mother pressed as she straightened her cuffs, fixed her collar and smoothed her hair.

"Tomorrow morning," Elizabeth huffed as she forced herself to keep holding still. "Once the IOA has throughly chastised us for making a 'mistake', they'll send us back to At-" she caught herself just in time. "Where we're stationed."

Standing on her tiptoes to kiss her tall daughter's forehead, her mother brushed her sleeve and pushed her towards the door. "Someday you'll tell me all about it," she coaxed with a patient smile. "Non-disclosure doesn't mean he can't come to dinner now, does it?" she asked again without leaving room for argument.

Elizabeth stuffed her feet into her shoes and looked wildly around the living room for her purse. Her keys were with that, weren't they? She stopped with her hand unconsciously on her stomach and wished she could save the nausea for being in the same room as the IOA. Maybe the spinning feeling inside of her would last until then.

Her mother cleared her throat and stood next to the door. In one hand she had two plan pieces of toast wrapped in a paper towel and in the other were Elizabeth's purse and her keys. Sedgewick's tongue lolled playfully as she waited with Elizabeth's mother. Her master's antics were definitely amusing to the dog. "Are you all right?"

Elizabeth took her purse and the keys; stuffed her keys into her pocket so she could grab the toast and sighed again. "I can't even put words on what it feels like," she admitted as she watched her mother start to smile. "You know, I suppose."

"You felt like you were conceived already annoyed with me," her mother teased as she brushed her daughter's hair back behind her ears. "That, or you were fairly clumsy."

Grabbing her mother's hand she kissed it firmly, and let her mother's lavender scent calm her nerves. "I'll bring John back with me for dinner, even if I have to pretend I'm too nauseated to drive," she promised as she squeezed tighter.

"I want him to sleep over," her mother replied as she let go. Her eyes were twinkling mysteriously.

"Mom!' Elizabeth replied, suddenly scandalized back into being eighteen again.

"I don't want you two going back to where ever it is you're going with some lousy Air Force food to hold you over," she insisted as she crossed her arms firmly. "You obviously have some feelings for this John, and after I've had two meals with him, I should know if I've decided to like him or not. Now get going. Don't speed and remember to take the second exit for the airport, not the first--"

"Mom I--"

"Dinner's at eight," her mother finished firmly. "Now, shoo!"

V. "Tabula Rasa"

"Is it supposed to hurt when it moves?" The woman in the red and black jacket asked the blank faces around her.

The other woman, the shy one with yellow strips on her sleeves, touched her arm and tried to reassure her. "I believe it is just uncomfortable," she added. "Though I cannot say if I've ever had a child."

"I doubt it, if you look like that," the man in blue muttered snarkily as he moved his fingers anxiously. He felt like he should be doing something.

The man in black next to him just looked concerned. He couldn't take his eyes off the woman in red, and he didn't know why. He slipped over and lowered his hand to take her free one. "Does it hurt?" he wondered as he waited for her to look at him.

"Not really," she fought with the idea of it moving and tried to deal with the very real, very terrifying idea that she was pregnant. She didn't even know how she felt about it. She didn't know who the father was. She didn't even know if she was supposed to feel like something was twisting inside of her. She did have a strange fondness for the man in black and his messy hair. Something felt good when he touched her hand.

The man in the blue shirt wandered over the the panels of lights and started to press buttons. Another man with a red and white flag on his jacket that looked like a leaf, pointed to a display. "Everything is nominal," he reported. "No 'gate activity is being reported."

"'Gate?" the man in black asked as he mussed his hair with his friend hand. "What's a 'gate?"

The man with the leaf on his jacket pointed towards the large ring in the big room. "I want to say that's it, but," he shrugged. "What do I know?"

"That makes all of us," the blue man complained as he sat in the chair. "I'm going too..." he trailed off and tried to figure out why he wanted to report. "I feel like I should tell you what's happening."

The man in black helped the woman in red to her feet and held onto her hand. "Maybe I'm your boss?" he shrugged and looked around. "Too bad we don't wear name tags. How did we get here? What are we doing here?"

"Maybe we were having a meeting," the woman in red ventured as she looked over at the balcony where she'd woken up with the strange sensation within her. "Or looking for something."

"Where are we?" the woman with the yellow stripes on her jacket asked as she tied her hair back from her face. "Are we in danger?"

"Nothing in the computer is flashing," the man in blue announced formally. "I think it would if we were."

"Is this our place?" the woman in yellow asked nervously as she looked around. "Do you feel as if you belong here?"

"Yeah," the man in black said without thinking as everyone else began to nod. His eyes were unsettling as they read things in her eyes she couldn't control. The woman in red lifted her hand to his forehead and touched his unruly hair. Something stirred that was unrelated to the bump of her belly. "I do," he finished as he reached for her.

When his hand closed over her shirt, she realized it belonged there. He was familiar. His scent was friendly. His smile was lovely. She wanted him to keep touching. She wanted--

The kiss confirmed it.

"I think it's your baby," the woman in red murmured as she touched her lips shyly. "That was right."

"That was weird," the man in blue added as he looked away. "Oh oh, I don't know about the rest of you, but I certainly seem to be someone of intelligence. I think I found our personnel files." He looked up gleefully. "Who wants a name?"


	4. someone was born

R.

Babies. Fluff.

Weird hand-wavy.

Longer than the others. Fourth in the baby!fic 5x5. One more to go. (the one where they make the baby ;) )

a href"http://oparu. a href"http://oparu. a href"http://oparu. text"or five times someone said fuck you" 

b I. The one where they weren't /b 

John had grounded himself. For the first time since he'd arrived in Atlantis, he had sent nearly two weeks without going on a mission. He'd gotten so bored he'd started listening Radek talk about particle physics. He'd even taken two of McKay's papers back to his quarters to read and with a pot of coffee he'd made it through most of one. He even understood enough to write some questions to ask Radek in the morning.

Finishing the physics, he hefted "War and Peace" and opened it up. Teyla had taken his team off-world without him. Ronon had hit his shoulder as he left, he supposed it was some kind of ribbing. Rodney had just looked confused. He'd been weird for weeks since halfway through Elizabeth's pregnancy, and now, in the end, he was almost as nervous as John was. He'd stopped and started walking towards the 'gate three times before he turned and hurried back to John.

Pulling him aside, Rodney grabbed his sleeve and whispered. "You know, don't you?" he asked anxiously. "She did tell you, right?"

"Yes, Rodney," he'd smirked and brushed it off, just so Rodney wouldn't see him. "We're good." John smiled up towards Elizabeth on her balcony and tried not to grin at how big she had gotten. There was something sweet about it. Being heavily pregnant had softened her to the point where she sometimes cried just to see a team come home safely.

He waved when her eyes lowered to hers and she smirked and raised an eyebrow instead of waving back. She wasn't that sentimental yet. John caught Chuck grinning at him and decided that looking like an idiot was just one of his many good qualities and he should embrace it. Elizabeth needed to laugh at him sometimes when she couldn't see her feet and everything in anyway associated with her back hurt.

John dragged his eyes back to his book. He wasn't tired enough yet, and though he could always go running, he just wasn't motivated to go do that. He dug his way through another chapter and was starting to loose track of the words on the page when his commlink beeped on his table. Tripping over himself to get to it, he cursed and examined his stubbed toe as he listened to her voice.

"John?" Elizabeth's voice was calm as she checked for him, but it felt forced. His stomach flopped and he wondered... "Teyla's team returned early, but we have a problem."

He'd cracked the nail on his big toe and his eyes were watering. He sighed almost impatiently before he responded. Of course they couldn't go anywhere without him. He reached for his socks and pulled them on over his toe. Hoping he wasn't going to limp, John reached for his shoes. "What time is it?" he demanded as he checked his watch. "Elizabeth! It's after midnight--"

"Ronon's missing," she interrupted softly. "He didn't come back. Teyla says he's been taken by the Wraith."

"Dammit," John snapped more to his shoes than her. "Sorry, I'll be right there." His shoes were just going to have to get along. There wasn't a choice. When he'd finally jammed his smarting toe into his shoe, he jogged down the corridor towards command.

She was supposed to be in bed by ten. Eleven at the absolute latest, and there was going to have to be yet another fight about it. It didn't matter if she fell asleep twice during meetings the next day, she was still having trouble going to sleep when her teams were out there.He was going to have to work on that. If she'd listen to him. If she'd put aside the stupid, irrational idea that simply having a baby didn't make them anything more than two people who had made an amazing mistake in the dark.

What had Rodney been talking about anyway? Maybe he should have pretended to not to know and just let him tell him, John thought quietly, but, he couldn't let McKay know something he didn't. That wouldn't be right. Rounding the corner, he ran into Carson.

"Rodney," Carson assured him before John could even ask. "Elizabeth is fine, but it appears Rodney's been shot."

"Right," John answered as he tried to pretend he wasn't about to demand an update on Elizabeth. He really was that transparent, wasn't he?

Elizabeth was sitting on the floor, legs crossed beneath her as she tried to calm Rodney. She was still beautiful. Exhausted, hair mussed, eyes puffy- and she still made his heart skip when he looked at her. He was pathetic really. He'd only slept with her once, kissed her a few times after that, but there was still something they didn't touch between them.

It didn't matter that she'd thrown up on him twice, no one else, not even his closest friends in college, had done that. It didn't matter that she'd cried on his shoulder the night she'd broken up with Simon, and that her mother seemed to be convinced they were a heartbeat away from spending the rest of their lives together. After everything they'd been through, the times she'd lost him only to have him thrust back into her life, maybe she was just tired of it. Maybe she couldn't handle a baby and a man who just couldn't stay out of trouble.

Elizabeth took his hand and clung to it as he got to the floor next to him.

Maybe not, he realized as his heart started skipping again. He was an idiot really. A lovesick puppy kind of idiot who thought his inability to hold a marriage together would suddenly end if this woman let him in to her life. He didn't deserve her. He was lucky she'd involved him as much as she had.

Carson was talking. Rodney was complaining. Teyla was concerned. He should be paying attention. John turned to Lorne, who was interviewing Teyla in his stead. Lorne's team was on clean-up and if Ronon needed rescuing, it would be him leading it.

Not John.

His friend was in trouble. Nasty, awful, messy, Wraith trouble with a capital 'T' and he was giddy that Elizabeth was holding his hand. Actually, she was holding his hand impossibly tightly. He was starting to loose circulation and he could see his own fingers going white. John looked up body to her face. Her teeth were set firmly in her lip and she was listening even less than he was.

"Hey-" he interrupted Teyla and Lorne and apologized with his eyes. "I- uh- can you two handle this?" he watched them throw each other confused looks before he tilted his head towards Elizabeth. Teyla pulled Lorne away by the sleeve and Rodney stopped worrying about his butt and the arrow protruding from it. "Of course you can," he answered his own question and moved himself directly in front of Elizabeth's face.

"Elizabeth?" he wondered as he stared at the death grip she had on his hand.

"I thought it would go away," she murmured to him. "You don't have to..." she couldn't finish her thought. It had to hurt like hell, because he'd never seen her close her eyes like that. "You should go--"

"Teyla's got it," he insisted as he lowered his head to her shoulder. "She'll call Caldwell and the Daedalus and they'll have Ronon back in time to meet the little guy."

Sh released his hand and brought both of her hands to the back of his neck instead. That hurt way more than his hand, but he slipped his arms beneath hers. He was going to have to get her to her feet at some point.

"Fuck you," she whispered just next to his ear. Somehow the fact that she was swearing in front of him made him smile. Pushing aside the desperate wish to kiss her, he settled for making her safe in the circle of his arms.

"You did," he replied stupidly. He didn't know a damn thing about having a baby, and he was pretty sure she didn't either, but maybe it was something they could figure out together. The sudden, high-pitched rush of air into her lungs meant it really, really hurt.

It didn't seem fair. It was already midnight, and she'd only gone to bed last night after a fight of epic proportions that had dragged deeply into the morning. They hadn't slept. Ronon was missing. Carson was going to have to spend the next hour or so repair Rodney's ass, and his- her- their baby was picking this moment to made her appearance.

He let her bury her face in his neck as he dragged her to her feet. "Come on," he coached patiently. He'd never done this. No one he knew had, well, maybe some of those college buddies, but it wasn't something that came up over a beer.

"John?" she started anxiously. There was a breathless unease in her voice he wasn't used to. He was probably supposed to worry, but part of him couldn't help thinking it was sweet. He'd spent nine months thinking about getting her back in his arms, and here she was. "You don't have too," Elizabeth protested even as she clung to him to keep her on her feet.

"I'm staying," he insisted into her hair. Sweat was already breaking on her skin and he found himself wondering if her water would break here on the floor of the 'gate room. "Teyla's smarter than me anyway."

The clinging turned into a hug. Something they were better at than kissing or talking. Elizabeth's arms were tight but she was letting some of the tension out of her hands, which eased the pain in his neck. "Is she?" she managed to joke through clenched teeth.

"Yeah," he nodded and tried to get her to lift her head. "I thought everyone had picked that up by now."

"Guess I missed it," her eyes managed to smile, but her face was so pinched it couldn't reach her mouth. "Thank you-"

"Save it," he begged as he covered her lips with a finger. "Until after you decide you want to kill me."

"Right."

hr 

b II. The one where John almost got to sleep /b 

The sound of empty halls made Rodney nervous before he even got to Elizabeth's quarters. She was officially off-duty. Carson had made that very very clear when he'd publicly dismissed her to wait to have the baby. It still freaked him out. Elizabeth had swelled, her stomach growing until it was rounder than he'd thought it was possible for her to be. She'd started out so thin.

First she'd been sick, and he'd worried about that. Then she'd gotten oddly emotional. Tearing up when his team came back late, hugging Ronon when he saved John's life; that was all weird. Strangest of all, lately she'd been calm. She'd nearly lost John to Kolya's plotting, and he'd worried, along with everyone else, that Elizabeth wouldn't be Elizabeth if she had to let John die.

But John came back. He was safe and it seemed like everything was right with the galaxy. Elizabeth had nearly glowed in the days that followed. She was content, happy even, and she'd hadn't even been upset when he'd drained the ZPM while trying to charge it. He'd been expecting a lecture, but Elizabeth had only had a sympathetic smile.

The IOA had demanded to get 'gate bridge working as soon as possible, and Rodney, John, Ronon and everyone else who could fly a jumper was pulling double shifts looking for 'gates. He'd expected Elizabeth to kill him for that too. She was loathed to let John out of her sight for long, and no one wanted John out of the city. Carson had suggested he stick around. Caldwell was covering for him and offering to bring more pilots from Earth.

It still wasn't enough. They flew, came home, slept and went out again. Zelenka and the science teams were constantly looking for new addresses, trying to pull the 'gates further apart, or come up with anything to take the pressure off. He thought they had something now. A collection of 'gate addresses in a neat cluster of destroyed worlds, long dead in the war.

They could be ready to attempt the test in a few days. He just, well, needed Elizabeth or John to consent and that involved standing in front of her door. Feeling like an idiot as he realized what time it was. Rodney radioed Zelenka desperately.

"Uh, yeah, is anyone moving in Elizabeth's quarters?" he asked sheepishly hoping someone was and he wasn't all the way over for nothing.

"Yes," Radek announced cheerfully. "One figure, two meters from door. The other appears to be asleep."

"Good," Rodney murmured as he tried not to be nervous.

"Rodney," Radek interrupted before Rodney could sign off. "Good luck."

"Yeah, well--" he reached for the door and rang it once. He rang it again when it slid open.

Elizabeth had her hand on the side of the door, as if she needed it to stand up. Her hair was down, hanging around her face in limp curls. "Rodney?" her voice was too breathy as if she'd been running. Not that she had run much for the last few months. "Are you okay?" she asked softly. Taking a step back and letting him in, she grabbed the wall for support before Rodney surprised her by grabbing her.

"Are you?" he demanded instead, not really sure what to do with her except hold on.

Elizabeth's eyes closed and she sighed. "I'm fine," she answered weakly grateful for his hands.

"What's going on?" he continued as he looked around her quarters. It was fastidiously neat. Everything, even John's things were exactly in place.

"I was cleaning," Elizabeth explained softly taking a deep breath. "Do you need?"

"I need John- er- you to sign off on this last mission to get 'gates," Rodney thrust the pad at her, but releasing her had left her unsteady. He dropped it and caught her arms. "Elizabeth?"

Her smile deepened a little. "Sorry," her eyes closed and he could hear her breath catch. "Give me a minute."

Rodney was lost, confused, stuck with her counting on him and completely unable to rescue his pad. "Are you?" he started as it hit him like a blast from a stunner. "You're--"

"Fine," she cut him off shaking herself out of the pain as it faded.

Rodney sputtered and reached for his commlink. "But you--"

"John needs to sleep," she finished for him as she put a hand over his mouth. "He needs to sleep as long as he can." Elizabeth's tone had a touch of strain and he wondered how much of that she was repressing. "Walk," she insisted as she pulled him to the window. "Please," she added as he started to protest.

"Is this safe?" he demanded as he tried not run into walls. He shouldn't be walking backwards, but he didn't want to let go. "Elizabeth- I--"

"It's fine," she insisted again as she stopped and hung on to the cold glass of the window. Her breath hissed and he could see her knuckles whitening as her hand made a fist against the glass. "Get it," she snapped briskly.

"What?"

"Get your pad, Rodney," she ordered in a voice he wasn't about to ignore. Scampering for it, he scooped it up and returned as she started panting.

"Does it hurt?" he wondered shyly as he held it up and waited for her to be able to hold the stylus. "It seems like it hurts."

"Not too badly," she promised stoically as she struggled through the letters of her name. "When it hurts, I'll wake him up."

"Shouldn't he be?" Rodney kept questioning as he offered his arm. To his surprise and amazement, she took it and let him lead her in a slow circle around her quarters.

"I'll need him--" she broke off and let all the air escape from her chest. Her sharp intake betrayed how much it really did hurt and Rodney almost wanted to hug her. "Later. When it's worse."

"Can I?" he started and she took another step.

"Walk Rodney," she ordered with a surprisingly patient smile. "Just walk."

"Shouldn't you?" he protested as he felt her fingers dig the feeling out of his arm. "Call someone? Beckett?"

"Carson," Elizabeth began and licked her lips slowly trying to concentrate on speaking. "Carson said there's time."

"Lots of time?" Rodney prodded nervously. "I'm not--"

"I appreciate you being here," she replied with a sincerity that shut him up for an entire lap around her quarters.

"How long have you?" he wondered as they passed the darkened bedroom.

"Three hours," she moaned and bit her lip. This time they stopped walking and she shifted her weight back and forth.

"Three hours!" Rodney exclaimed as he felt her grip turn deathly.

"John," she groaned and dropped her head. Rodney hadn't heard more the occasional sharp breath until now. Now her voice was turning sharp, exhausted.

"John?"

Elizabeth's hand reached for the bookshelf and she pushed him towards the bedroom. "John--" her tone dropped and the hand on the shelf was shaking with effort.

"Oh!" he exclaimed as he figured it out. "John, right, I'll--" Abandoning pretense, Rodney ran into the bedroom and nearly pounced on his friend. "John! John you need to get up now."

"Fuck you McKay," John snapped exhaustedly as he rolled over and pulled his pillow over his head.

"Elizabeth," Rodney tried again as he tugged on the pillow. "Elizabeth said, Elizabeth, dammit, John, she's having your baby. Right now. Over there."

"What the hell?" John rasped sleepily nearly knocking him over as he erupted from the bed, tangled in his sheets. He was still trying to open his eyes as he grabbed Elizabeth. She nearly collapsed into his grip, but stubbornly kept her feet. "Elizabeth--"

One of her arms slipped around his neck and she held onto him like a lifeline. Pulling him down, slowly, she crushed his protests as she kissed the sleep out of him. "Needed you," she panted as another contraction started. "Sorry--"

"You got me," John replied as he watched Rodney make a series of odd gestures with his hands before fleeing the room. "Rodney wanted?"

She couldn't speak. The attempt at a response came out as a groan and a swallowed curse. "Sign," she gasped as she nudged him towards the door. "Rodney wanted me to sign." Elizabeth's grip became desperate on his arm. "Carson."

"Carson," John repeated as he started down at his feet. Something wet and warm was all over the floor.

"Water," she panted through the steadily worsening pain of the contraction. "We're--"

"Infirmary," John realized as his sleepy mind started to work faster. "Carson, okay. Can you walk?"

"Yes," she promised as she brought herself back. "But I--"

"I'm here," John yawned out as he tried to keep himself awake. "We're okay. Right?"

Elizabeth chuckled and tried to smile. "Yeah," she sighed and clung a little tighter. "It's going to be fine."

"I thought I was supposed to..." he trailed off and yawned again. Elizabeth's patience had faded into a death glare. "Sorry, sorry, I'll get coffee or something."

hr 

b III. the one with the team /b 

"I hate you," she stammered as her fist flew up to hit his chest.

"I know," John murmured softly.

"You're an arrogant, insensitive, cocky bastard," she spat when the contraction continued to worsen.

"I love you, Elizabeth," he reminded her as wiped sweat from her forehead.

"Oh fuck you, John," she snapped and tore herself away from him to fight the contraction on her own.

"How long is she going to hate me?" John turned to Keller in nervous desperation as Elizabeth swatted at him again.

"It's temporary," Keller promised gently as she as stayed a step away from Elizabeth but still kept her eyes on her. Seven hours of labor, and it seemed like Elizabeth was finally getting towards the end. Her normally calm demeanor had faded when she'd slipped into the transition phase. She wasn't tolerating John's help and she'd barely handled the last time she'd tried to touch her.

Jennifer Keller hadn't delivered a baby since residency, but she couldn't shake the gut feeling that the baby was still the wrong way. It seemed the baby was as stubborn as his mother and as adverse to following the rules as her father. To her trained eye, it didn't look like the bulge of Elizabeth's stomach was low enough. She'd have to check, but Elizabeth was still radiating an aura of hatred for all living things.

"Stay put, okay?" she suggested to John as he crossed his arms and waited. "I'll be back."

Rodney, Ronon and Teyla were taking turns standing guard. Rodney couldn't take the waiting; he had a invented some kind mystery to solve in his lab. Teyla was meditating quietly in the corner. Ronon was the one she needed. Atlantis wasn't set up build families. She could let Elizabeth push flat on her back, but she didn't want to put her through that if she could do it another way.

Reaching for the giant's shoulder, she pulled him aside. "Would you be willing to do something for Doctor Weir?"

"Anything," Ronon answered easily as he tucked his knife away into his belt.

"She''s not going to make it easy for you," Jenn explained as Teyla slid gracefully off the bed.

"I think I can handle her," Ronon grinned but winced a little sympathetically when Elizabeth's wail of pain cut through the infirmary.

"If the child has not turned?" Teyla asked with a soft understanding as she rolled her shoulders back. "Ronon and I would be pleased to assist. Have you moved a child before?" she wondered as she let Ronon go ahead.

Jenn shook her head and scratched her hairline nervously. "I understand the concept--"

"If you will allow me, I can show you how it is accomplished on my world," Teyla offered as she removed her bracelets and earrings and set them aside on a small table.

"Ronon can hold her?" Jenn double checked before she committed.

"Yes," Teyla nodded emphatically as she smiled at the young doctor. "That will not be a problem."

John had both hands on the bed on either side of Elizabeth. She'd turned and she clung to it, elbows bent, as she sobbed into his shoulder. The lost look on John's face pulled at her heart. He was more exhausted than she'd seen him. His eyes were strained and there was a track of something wet on his cheek. There would be bruises on his arms. Elizabeth had already left welts.

Jenn grabbed John and pulled him back as Teyla went to talk Elizabeth through the end of the contraction. "Ronon," she started the calmest voice she could manage, "I need you to hold her."

Obediently, Ronon took Elizabeth's small shoulders and wrapped his arms around her. She whimpered and shook slightly, but he was stronger than her desire to double up.

"John," Jenn used his name to get his attention. "John," she repeated when he couldn't look away from Elizabeth. "Teyla and I have to turn the baby. It's going to hurt. You need to talk to her. Keep her distracted. Give her something to look at."

Elizabeth's next contraction started and she whimpered until she couldn't help it and screamed. Her nails dug into the dark skin of Ronon's arm, but his face was steady and his arms were iron. Teyla stroked the side of her face with one hand as she felt for the head with the other.

"Okay?" Jenn pressed and John nodded dumbly.

Taking a moment to shake himself out it, he took Elizabeth's chin in his hands. "Hey," he started softly. "Look at me."

Her tiny white hand shot out and grabbed his shirt as she forced herself not to scream. His heart pounded as he breathed with her to calm her down. "We've got you. It's okay." She started to squirm as Teyla and Keller started manipulating her belly.

"It hurts," she moaned pitifully.

"You're strong," Ronon rumbled behind her head an John nodded as he brushed her hair.

"We've got you," John reminded her as he tried to block out her desperate scream of pain. "I've got you. I'm here. It's okay."

"Breathe Elizabeth," Teyla ordered in a low voice.

"No- no!" Elizabeth pleaded pitifully as she clawed at John's neck. When she drew blood, Ronon moved his arms and held tighter.

Her scream sank lowered into her throat. Her eyes sudden stopped chasing Keller and Teyla and locked on John.

"I love you," he whispered firmly. "Elizabeth, you're almost there. You're almost there. You're doing so well. Just hang on a little bit--"

She sank down and Ronon followed her, he knelt behind her as Teyla held her knees. There was more blood on the floor, browning and slimy with other fluids. Her feet were bare and John stroked her face as she started to focus on him.

"John?" she pleaded as she tried to understand her body's sudden, urgent demand. "John?"

"Push," Jenn instructed him as she opened her hands.

"Push," John repeated as he put his forehead against hers. "Push."

Elizabeth sobbed and nearly cracked her head against his as he tried to hold her. Ronon released her arms and got a new grip around her chest. She dug her fingers into John's shoulders and he felt himself gasp.

"Push," he begged her again when Jenn nodded. "Elizabeth--"

"Almost," Teyla promised gently. Her hands were with Jenn's, waiting and searching.

Elizabeth's breath came too fast. Her head left sweat on his neck as she lifted it to plead with her eyes. "Please--"

"Push," he repeated again. "Almost there. You're almost there. You can do this."

hr 

b IV. the one where it was almost John /b 

Elizabeth had to admit that John Sheppard had the worst timing in the world. If he had touched the glowing alien device, in the back of Rodney's storeroom of fun gadgets he hadn't studied yet, a week earlier he might have escaped. If he had been in there a week later, he would also have gotten off better. Instead, he had unwittingly traded bodies with the next person he'd touched.

Unfortunately for him, it had been his exhausted, irritable, heavily pregnant girlfriend who had watched the flash of light and touched his shoulder. John remembered her concerned eyes looking down, but after that, the heady sensation of looking down at his own deeply confused expression. He'd passed out, which seemed to be body's best recourse when the mind was overwhelmed.

He'd started passing out so often, Elizabeth teased him about bruising her body. He was hungry all the time. He couldn't go ten minutes without having to pee. A living creature inside of him was constantly trying to reorder the internal organs that were not his but certainly felt like it; John was pissed off.

Elizabeth did slightly better. She'd even made it through a mission or two as a man; successfully negotiating a peace treaty between two waring villages and fending off the advances of a very persuasive female warlord. She tried to avoid celebrating her freedom from her cumbersome body in his presence. She tried to give Rodney and his science team all the support she could give them in finding a cure.

On the third day, his back hurt and he ignored it. Everything about Elizabeth's body was uncomfortable or painful in some way he'd never before considered and John was trying to get used to that. He didn't have work to do, Jenn had quietly informed him that though his body wasn't on maternity leave, Elizabeth's was. The night before he'd had so much trouble sleeping without Elizabeth, who was happily back to work wearing his body, and his body next to him in bed he'd read one hundred forty-one pages of "War and Peace". At that rate, he needed to start looking for a new book.

Teyla and Jenn were teamed up against him, and even though Teyla too was pregnant, she wasn't letting him do the things she did to keep her mind busy. Sparring with Ronon using Elizabeth's body was out of the question. Pretty much anything but reading, or thinking was insanely difficult in her body. He couldn't even play video games correctly because her hands weren't used to the playstation controller and cramped up on him.

It was Rodney who saved him with a chess board and a huge bucket of caramel popcorn he'd gotten from Jeannie for his birthday. John had never been more grateful to have the distraction of Rodney's complaints about the science teams and the way Elizabeth was pushing him to find an answer.

"I thought she'd be happier," Rodney complained as he watched John take his bishop and sighed. "You say her body's a nasty place to live right now anyway."

"It hurts," John whined as he tried not to stare at Elizabeth's cleavage right beneath his eyes. "Everything about it hurts. I don't know how she does it."

Rodney shook his head and brazenly took John's rook in response. "She complains a lot when you're not around," he admitted as he stared at the wrong face. "Well, not more than you really, but, I think she tries to not let you hear her talk about hating it."

John tried to lose himself in the chessboard. He was three moves away from beating Rodney. He'd been ready to lose the rook and now...

His back hurt. His back was past hurting and shot white knives of agony up Elizabeth's spine. He jolted, moving the table slightly as he tried to hold on.

"You okay?" Rodney asked with a hint of panic.

"I guess," John muttered as he hissed his breath through Elizabeth's teeth and tried to move his back into a better position. "It hurt before...now it hurts like hell," he explained as he felt Elizabeth's eyes tear up.

"Keller?" Rodney demanded as he tapped his radio. "Keller, something's wrong with John." He paused, listening to her response. "What hurts?" he asked as gently as he could.

John had never heard Rodney use that tone. In fact, he wasn't even sure Rodney was capable of being that considerate. "My back, her back," he inhaled again sharply. "Like I got stabbed or something."

"Constant?" Rodney asked for Keller as his eyes widened in sympathy. He took whatever she said and looked around the mess hall in a panic for someone to help him. Finding and waving Ronon down from the other end of the mess hall, Rodney stood and had a quick conversation with Jenn before he told John what was going on. Ronon grabbed one of his arms, and Rodney grabbed the other. John was on his, Elizabeth's, feet before he had time to finish worrying about the look on Rodney's face.

"Hang on," Ronon promised as he and Rodney shared a look. "Keller's just wants to take a look."

"It doesn't mean I'm switching back does it?" John demanded through gritted teeth as he tried to place what the new, strange sensation was between his legs. Something he hadn't had when he was a man, burned for a moment, like a hand was wrapped around something internal and trying to shove it's way out.

"No," Rodney's voice was soft with sympathy and John was suddenly deeply concerned. "How's your, Elizabeth's, stomach?"

"Fine..." John started as he tried to think. It didn't hurt more than his back. He thought it was twisting because of his nerves. "Oh fuck me," John groaned as he realized what was going on. "Not fair." He could barely breathe as the contraction, which he now knew it was, sliced through his back. Ronon was strong and steady, but something hot and wet was trickling down his inner thighs. "Go to your lab," John ordered Rodney as he grabbed his shirt and pulled him down to the lower level of Elizabeth's head. "Right...now."

"Can you, uh, get him to-?" Rodney started and Ronon nodded quickly.

"I've got him," Ronon promised as he grinned as if he'd been given an even bigger gun. John was a great commanding officer; a man he was proud to consider his friend, but there was something incredibly funny about him being in this situation. "Small steps."

"I'm--" John tried to catch his breath but the pain in Elizabeth's back nearly overrode his ability to speak. "Gonna kill him."

"My sister wanted to kill her husband," Ronon offered helpfully as he gave him something to lean against as John realized what the wetness was soaking through his, actually still his because hers didn't fit, pants. "Just about did."

"Is it suicide?" John wondered as he slammed his fist against the wall and tried to remember being shot. He could handle being shot. He could handle alien bugs that wanted to suck out his life force. He really couldn't handle having a baby. "If she's me and I'm--"

"Feel better thinking about it?" Ronon asked as he tried to get him to take a few steps towards the transporter.

"Yeah," John groaned and actually felt some of the pain ease up a little. His, Elizabeth's back, still hurt like hell and he couldn't help worrying something was wrong. "I'm going to hit the smug son-of--" he stopped and refrained from referring to Elizabeth as a man.

"I was supposed to be catching up on paperwork," he complained as he figured out how to walk through the pain in Elizabeth's back. "Not doing anything important and just kind of waiting for her to have the baby."

"And now that she's you, she's been on three trade negotiations and stopped some kind of riot on M3G-228," Ronon added with an evil grin. "Makes you wonder if she'll ever want to switch back?"

"Kinda," John took a deep breath and tried to put the pain out of his mind. "Still isn't fair."

hr 

"What do you mean you can't find her?" John demanded viciously as he stared at Teyla. Sweat was making beads on his skin, and even Ronon looked the worst for wear. John's, Elizabeth's actually, voice was worn, tired and raw from his ordeal. She was certain John was prepared to get Elizabeth through labor. In fact, Teyla was reasonably certain John was one of the best things to do just that. Teyla also knew he was not prepared to deliver the baby himself.

"She has been recalled by the IOA," Teyla sighed and reached for his cheek to calm him. "She has been on Earth for the last four hours, trying to explain how it is that she is in your body, while you are in hers." She lifted a glass of water and tried to get him to drink some of it. Ronon's face behind John's, Elizabeth's curly head, was concerned but not overly so.

"You are actually lucky," Teyla pointed out as she lowered her hands to the sore spot Ronon and had been rubbing on his back and took over for awhile. "Elizabeth says you are missing one of the most annoying meetings she's ever attended."

"Did you tell her?" Ronon asked as he took a moment to stretch his huge arms.

"I was unable to speak with her directly," Teyla apologized as John lashed out towards the bed and swore just underneath his breath. "I tried to get General O'Neill, to tell him John was in labor-"

Ronon chuckled and John hit him instead.

"But something is wrong at the SGC and I was unable to speak with either of them."

Another contraction, he was starting to figure out how it felt before they started, tightened his stomach and his back and he lowered his head so Teyla wouldn't see his eyes tear up. He hurt and he wanted it and everyone to go away. Ronon and Teyla were trying to talk to him but he just wanted Elizabeth back. He didn't even care if she switched bodies with him again. He didn't care if he had to make it through the rest of the whole damn process. He just didn't want to go through it alone.

hr 

Ronon was a relentless labor coach. Jenn had asked him to keep John moving, to get the baby down into position, and he did. He dragged him on two laps of the upper tiers before John gave up and stopped them, collapsed against Ronon's chest and wondering how in the world anyone managed to have a baby.

Ronon's huge hands rested against his back, warm and slow moving. John sighed and hit his hand against the railing again out of frustration. He was past hating Elizabeth for not being there. He was past hating everyone who not being stuck in the same ridiculous situation he was in. He would even forgive the IOA if they would just give him Elizabeth back.

The pain was getting better, or maybe he was getting used to it. Ronon had even, against Jenn's instructions, let him eat when he was hungry. Now eight hours in, John was glad of that. He wasn't sure how he'd have held up if he had to do all of this on an empty stomach. He sagged between Ronon and the railing as another dammed contraction ran fire across Elizabeth's swollen belly. He groaned, beating his head against Ronon's chest until it peaked.

Ronon held him up, and John was grateful that he was a smaller body, so it was less work. "She'll make it," Ronon promised as he hummed something to himself. The deep rumbling in his chest was comforting. Hell, being held was comforting, even if he was cursing Elizabeth and the moment he'd discovered she was gorgeous. (Eating his popcorn as she admitted not knowing anything about football)

"Still wanna kill her?" Ronon asked as he felt John's, Elizabeth's hands, grab his shoulder.

John nodded and let Ronon drag him a few more meters. "Yeah," he murmured as he brushed Elizabeth's wet hair out of his face. He couldn't see anymore and he didn't care. His feet were numb. His ankles hurt, his throat stung and all of it paled to the white-hot pain that assaulted him every few minutes.

"This is gonna be a good story," Ronon promised as he stopped and let John deal with the next contraction the way he did best. Cursing and beating something that happened to be nearby, John missed the sound of feet.

Ronon heard them and looked over his shoulder. He was used to running with John and he recognized the sound of his stride, even though John wasn't driving his feet today. The other feet had to be Rodney's and both of them were sprinting. John's body was in better shape and she crested the hill and ran towards them. Ronon smiled at Elizabeth as he stroke what he was used to considering her head and watched her catch her breath in John's body.

"How is he?" Elizabeth asked as she reached for his shoulder.

"Doing good," Ronon whispered as he smiled at her. Elizabeth was recognizable as herself, even when she was in another's eyes. John oscillated. There were moments when he wasn't sure Elizabeth's eyes weren't simply that.

Ronon lifted John's fist and passed it towards Elizabeth. John wasn't sure what was going on as he turned, but he had become so used to following Ronon that he went along with it. He'd never been happier to see his own face.

Elizabeth hadn't seen him cry. She hadn't heard herself cry quite like that. It was as if a storm had broken and everything was rushing out. John tumbled into her arms, and for the first time she really understood what that was like. Her heart swelled and threatened to break in the storm. Crashing on the rocks and leaving everything bare, her emotions wrought havoc on her control. She could hear Ronon bothering Rodney as the other man tried to catch his breath.

It was no small miracle Rodney had pulled, getting her out of the IOA's biggest ass-chewing of the last four years; but he had a valid point.

"Permanent," he gasped as he fought for air. "If we don't, soon, permanent--"

"That could be fun," Ronon teased as he helped Elizabeth move John towards the infirmary.

"Zelenka's moving the device," Rodney explained to John, even though John was mostly unable to listen. John had his head buried in Elizabeth's neck, and an arm around her waist in a way where he never intended to let her go.

hr 

"It hurts a lot," John whispered as Rodney moved his hands towards the device. Back in the infirmary, he lay on his side, clinging to Elizabeth's hand and wondering how strange it was going to be to look down at her again.

"Thank you," she murmured as she kissed his forehead. She had been crying with his eyes, and he realized even when it was his body, it was cute. "You didn't have to--"

"I did," John felt his world start to condense into just what he could touch. Elizabeth, the bed beneath him, the blue green scrubs sticking to his skin; all of it mattered less than the agony inevitably bringing their baby into the world. "You would have," he finished before he closed his eyes and let the pain take him.

Elizabeth couldn't explain what it was like. The guilt at having missed most of her labor, her disappointment that she wouldn't really be able to understand what he'd gone through, and the terrifying thought that the baby she'd carried for all this time was almost here. There was a flash. There was always a flash with strange alien devices and this one was like hitting a wall.

Suddenly everything hurt. Her stomach, her hands, her feet; there was a stabbing, continuous pain in her back and even her throat was raw. John, who was John again, was kissing her forehead and whispering that he was right there and he understood. Her mind faltered, trying to reconcile the raw agony of being back in her body with the comfort of John's healthy one. For a moment she teetered on consciousness, but John was there. His hands were on her face and if she hung onto that, she might be able to breath.

hr 

b V. the one with a plan /b 

John had a contingency plan for everything. Wraith attack was number one. Being stuck in a puddle jumper was plan number twenty-four. Being stuck in a transporter was plan number three, because he believed it was fairly likely to happen. He practiced them, reviewed them, and felt as prepared as he possible could be, considering Elizabeth was due any day.

She dealt with it by ignoring him. She'd nod, smile, pretend to have a contraction and give him a heart attack before going on with her work; she was terrified. Admitting that was too close to the truth that she'd actually made it through nine of months of imprisonment, and a new chapter was starting. Elizabeth added plan number thirty-one to his list, the one where she was kidnapped by pirates, and he'd pouted for the rest of the night.

They tossed all the ideas back and forth. Fighting and dancing around the idea that they were days away from actually being parents to a person, not just a lump that stirred beneath John's hands and ruined Elizabeth's sleep. Being called to command was the first line in most of John's plans. Most emergencies would involve them being dragged up to the command center and his plans started accordingly.

In fact, they were following plan three precisely when the transporter stalled out. John managed not to panic because she wasn't in labor. Rodney radioed and promised he'd have it fixed with an hour. He was trying to use the ancient laboratory they had discovered actually built ZPMs to solve their power problem for good. He almost had it.

Then it went dark.

Then radios stopped working.

Even that was okay, John had thought for awhile. Elizabeth curled up with her head in lap and she'd tried to sleep. Everything was fine. Rodney knew where they were and he'd solve the problem.

At first he thought she was dreaming, when she moaned in her sleep. For awhile, John even thought it was a good dream. She did joke that the only time she felt good anymore was when she escaped her swollen body and was herself again in dreams.

"John?" Elizabeth started and he felt her feel for his hand. As he squeezed it and reassured her he was there, he realized this was not in any of his plans. He'd asked Jenn how to deliver a baby; bothered her until she had shoved books at him and shooed him out of the infirmary. Those books assumed medical knowledge and at the very least a light source.

He was not going to panic.

The transporter was barely big enough to walk in a tiny circle, but that he did for awhile. When she got tired they stood, Elizabeth learning on his chest.

She was still making an effort not to let it beat her. She was going to hang on until Rodney fixed whatever he'd done.

"Is this really plan number three?" Elizabeth razed him as she sank back to the floor. It was wet from the amniotic fluid, but John had tried to use his jacket to push most of that into the corner.

"Plan number three had light," John complained as he let her rest against his chest. "But yeah."

Elizabeth squirmed and fought his arms so he let them fall away to the floor. "You've watched too many movies," she complained bitterly sighing and biting her lip as the pain started again.

"Says the woman in labor, in a stuck transporter," John replied softly as he felt her tense. He wasn't sure if he should tell her to relax. He thought it might hurt less if she stopped bracing herself and just let them happen, but he couldn't.

Her right hand flew back and impacted against his cheek. John felt the skin sting, but he felt up her arm for her hand and held it as she panted.

"Fuck you," she snapped as she rocked her hips, trying to get a better position. He moved his legs and tried to give her more space, but nothing was working. Elizabeth groaned and dragged herself to her feet. John followed, helping her to stand as she braced her hands against the walls. He couldn't see her face, but he could hear the pain in her breath. Her skin was wet with sweat and it was only getting worse.

"Did that," he teased irresponsibly, but dodging her hand this time. "Got you knocked up, got stuck in a transporter--"

"Without a plan!" Elizabeth lashed out as her voice broke into a higher register. Her head thunked against his chest, but he stood fast. With it there, he knew she was breathing.

"Okay, even in my paranoid over planning I didn't expected McKay to break the city," he offered by way of apology as he kissed her damp hair. "And I had a plan. It involved light though."

The air smelled wet from fluid and sweat. John slipped his hands down, into her pants and checked again for blood on his fingertips. He didn't smell anything and he wiped them dry on his shirt.

"Okay?" she asked as she broke on the end of the contraction.

"Yeah," he insisted as he wished again he could actually see her eyes. Her lips brushed wetly against his neck, and he took it as his forgiveness.

"I think we're just-" she stammered, groaning until she found the breath to keep speaking. "Unlucky."

"Almost amazingly so," John added and sank back down to the floor when she decided she was done standing.

It continued for eternity. Elizabeth stood when she could no longer handle the floor, and she leaned against the wall when her legs were too unsteady. John mostly stayed out of the way. He had held her when she wanted his touch, but for the last six contractions, counting them seemed the only way to keep track of time, she couldn't be near him.

She screamed and sobbed into the darkness and sometimes his name was in it. More often it was a babble of words that no longer made sense stringing into a vocal release that had little to do with communication. Finally, she was on her hands and knees and he had a handful of the round ball of skull and hair that was the head of their baby. He'd found it by accident. Elizabeth had stopped cringing when he touched her, and had instead let him help her find a new position.

His left hand was on her cheek, and she bit his finger when she moved too quickly. John should have known it was coming. The sound and the rhythm of her pain had changed, Elizabeth was trying to tell him something, even if she didn't consciously know what it was. It was a game of listening and feeling. A wet dance of sweat and flesh that reminded him of sleeping with her. It almost sounded the same. The catch in her voice was the same guttural sob that hit her sometimes when everything was too far past endurance.

He pulled his hand from her mouth and hoped she hadn't broken his skin with her teeth. He heard himself talking but knew it was as incoherent as she was. In the dark, in the wet smell of blood and mucus, someone was coming. It wasn't just birth, mechanical, slimy and deeply painful, it was beyond.

John knew somehow, past his thoughts, that he needed both hands on her hips as the shoulders started to sleep free. Elizabeth ended up with her head against her knee, leaning on him for support as she screamed. When she'd stopped having the strength to fight the sound, she'd gotten more out of it.

The shoulder was limp in his hand, like a piece of meat. The head was still in his right hand, and he slid it over the wet body of his child to make sure the neck was stable. The shoulders were caught, and he risked moving Elizabeth to get a better angle. Her fist stung as it hit his chest. He tasted sweat as he kissed her cheek and tried to calm her as his hands felt for the baby again.

The sleeping form of the baby let him free the shoulder from Elizabeth's taunt skin. Despite her desperately pleading that it hurt, she let him finish. She begged him to stop it. To make it all go away, but he knew there was an answer. Her skin was stretched to tearing, and he had to keep her whole. He couldn't help her if she bled. He couldn't help her if there was a problem.

He hit her forehead with his cheek and stopped there as he moved his fingers. Pressing in, sliding them within her along with the baby, he pushed back enough to finally leverage the second shoulder free. Elizabeth's pleading moan suddenly stopped as her body realized it could let go.

Their baby slipped wet and still into his hands. Elizabeth collapsed forward into his chest, and John had to push her back to try and free the child. He tugged the cord that attached her to the baby until he had enough slack to pull it free of her legs. The baby was quiet until he, John discovered as he checked the body with his hands, was against his mother's chest.

Being on Elizabeth's skin must have startled the infant, and he cried. He wailed like a newborn puppy, not even sounding human. Elizabeth was sobbing, and John just smiled. His lips hurt from the effort, but he couldn't stop smiling. His hands were on the slimy skin of his son and the sweaty skin of Elizabeth's breasts. Her hands wondered up his damp shirt and cupped his face. Her fingers tapped against his cheek and he moved to kiss them.

Sliding against the wall towards her, John managed to slip her in between his legs. Her head as on his chest, and his arms were around them both when he heard the wet plop of the afterbirth against the floor. Cautious even then, he checked her thighs yet again for blood.

"He's settling down," John murmured as Elizabeth and their son tried to learn how to nurse.

"He?" she asked with a softness in her abused voice.

"Yeah," John promised as he rested a hand on the little guy. "Bet he's pretty good looking too."

"Maybe Rodney--" her voice caught for a moment and he wondered if she was done crying.

"He'll fix it," John promised as he lowered his head to kiss in the direction of her ear. "How long do you think Ronon will make fun of him?" /lj-cut 


	5. someone was conceived

b I. "38 Minutes" /b 

The shower was the only way to get the smell of the infirmary off of him. There were few things John really hated, and though he appreciated how infirmaries patched him up, the plastic- too clean smell of infirmaries was high on his list. He stood in the shower carefully, trying to keep the raw mark the insect had left on him out of the water. That still stung when the water hit it and he didn't like being reminded it was there. It was the first time he'd had a real brush with death in a couple years, and it was a damn bug.

Well, John corrected himself as he leaned against the wall and tried to forget the look on Elizabeth's face when he'd opened his eyes, it was Teyla who had killed him but it was only the bug's fault. He wondered if he could authorize a nuclear strike on that stupid little planet full of bugs. It was only bugs and Wraith anyway, he thought, it wasn't like he'd be hurting anything.

Elizabeth would give him that sorrowful look that he hadn't quite yet figured out, but she'd never let him nuke the bastards out of existence. He shut off the water and reached for his towel. The only smell on him now was steam and military shampoo; John much preferred it that way. Rubbing the towel lazily across his body, his mind drifted to Elizabeth again. There was something special about her and that smirk in the infirmary. She'd stayed longer than the others and she'd been the one holding his hand when he woke up. She'd disappeared shortly after that to do something official, but he was certain she'd been there.

He wasn't sure he entirely liked the brown outfit she'd gotten as a gift from one of the Athosians. Teyla's people certainly had strange taste. John spent a moment, as he dried his back, wondering what Elizabeth would look like in one of short tank tops Teyla wore and decide she must have a lovely stomach. He wasted another few moments thinking about what lay above her stomach and cemented his opinion that his new boss was one of the more beautiful women he'd met in his lifetime. Perhaps the fact that she was entirely out of his league only made her more attractive. John liked women out of his league. He'd married one, after all, once upon a time.

John threw his towel over the edge of his shower and padded barefoot to his dresser. Pulling out a pair of sweats, black standard issue, and an old t-shirt, he pulled them on over his damp skin and sighed contentedly. His bed was waiting for him, inviting him to collapse down and sleep like the dead. The thought of being alone, trapped in the dark and unable to move wasn't a pleasant one. Reaching for socks and his pair of sandals, he decided to go for a walk. Anything to get out of the little room and feel like he was still part of something.

Stopping in front of Elizabeth's quarters was purely an accident. He'd been wishing he had brought his watch, thinking he should sleep, but still, there he was. Her door was right there and she was on the other side of it. Standing there alone in the corridor, he felt like an idiot but he didn't move. He could walk back to his quarters, forget the sweetly exotic smell that clung to Elizabeth's hair. He shouldn't have remembered that, but she'd moved past him when he was showing her the puddle jumper and he couldn't help remembering.

John's hand moved without his permission, and he thought for a moment she was still up in control. He backed up from the door as if he'd broken something and tried to look innocent as he turned around.

"John?" Elizabeth asked as the door hissed open.

Busted, John turned around with a pathetic smile. "Hey," he began as he tried to come up with something to say.

"John?" she repeated sleepily. "Is everything okay?"

Looking her over, John realized Elizabeth had been sleeping. Her dark hair was mussed and curling slightly out behind her head in odd directions. Smiling at the effect, he realized her legs and feet were bare except for a little pair of grey shorts. Her legs went on forever and even her knees were oddly intriguing. Had it been that long since he'd seen a woman who'd just gotten up? Her t-shirt was the best part. It had once been black, but it had been washed so many times that it was charcoal and nearly transparent.

"What's wrong?" Elizabeth asked again, her face was tight and she was ready for the emergency.

Ruffling his hair sheepishly, John wondered if he shouldn't have come. "Sorry, I- I uh, couldn't sleep," he admitted as he realized she wasn't wearing anything under the shirt and it was cold in the corridor. He tried to keep his eyes up, away from her nipples, but they were almost taunting them as they caught the fabric of his shirt.

"Oh," Elizabeth relaxed slightly still holding onto her door and staring at him in confusion. "You okay?" she asked finally.

"Yeah," John turned and decided to walk away before his fascination with her nipples beneath her shirt gave her something to stare at. "Sorry."

"Major-" she started and corrected herself. "John, are you sure you're okay? I-" she left her doorway and her bare feet were silent in the hallway. "I don't know what it's like to go through what you just did and I'm not a psychologist, or anything, but if you want to talk--"

"There really isn't anything to talk about," John replied genially as he shrugged. "I was dead for a bit. Then I wasn't. Good day, right?"

"John," Elizabeth sighed and touched her mouth with her hand as she tried to think. "If you aren't going to bed yet--"

He stopped turning back around and studying her thoughtfully. "Do you need to talk?" It was a stupid question.

"I-" she paused and ran a hand through her short hair as she tried to think.

He liked the gesture. It was sweetly innocent in a way Doctor Weir wasn't, well, he supposed he didn't know her, maybe she was sweet. Not innocent, that was unfair to her. He'd read her biography and knew where she'd been. It was entirely possible she was sweet.

"I don't know you," Elizabeth started crossing her arms over her chest and ruining his view. "I think I'd like to. I think- I am really grateful you made it home."

"Kinda would have put Ford in charge there, huh?" John teased as he took a step towards her room. "Wanna go down to the mess?"

"Actually," Elizabeth shifted her weight; her feet were cold. "Why don't you just come in?"

"Are you sure there isn't a rule about that?" John teased to cover his deep curiosity. He'd helped Teyla set up her room, and he'd seen the mess that was Aiden's room, but Elizabeth's room was fascinating. As far as he knew no one had been inside. It didn't even look like she'd been inside. It was too clean. Way too clean. He knew she only got one personal item, but still, he'd expected to see a sock on the floor or something.

"Hey, nice couch," John mused as he headed towards it. He didn't have a couch. He didn't even really have a chair. Maybe he should have spent more time looking for quarters.

To his surprise, Elizabeth flopped onto it and pulled up her long legs to her chest. Resting her head on them she looked and him and sighed before she smiled. "You can sit," she offered looking up at him.

"Right," John replied as he stared at the couch next to her. "So I think we should definitely stay away from the bug planet."

Elizabeth smiled wryly and nodded. "I'll put that in my report," she agreed as she closed her eyes and looked towards the wall and her window out over the ocean. "Isn't it beautiful here?"

"You have a good view," John admitted with a touch of jealousy. Her hair was curling at the base of her neck. Would it be curly if it were longer? What would she look like with it longer?

"I don't look at it much," she replied sadly as she pointed at the computer on and open on her bed. "There's a lot of paperwork."

"I suppose there's extra when I try to get myself killed?" John teased to try and lighten to the mood, but she just looked more despondent.

"You were dead, John," she murmured as her hands tightened on her knees. "You were really dead there for awhile in the jumper. Everyone was around you and you were gone--"

"Came back," he offered as he tried to think of a way to get the fear out of her face. "Hey--" There were tears in her eyes. It was late and she had to be exhausted, but there was a wet sparkle to her lashes. John touched her hand and to his surprise she squeezed it back.

"I'm sorry," she released his hand and started wiping at her face. "I shouldn't-"

John studied the flush on her cheeks and reached for her hands. When they were busy he rested his hand on her knee. Startled slightly, Elizabeth moved her knee and his hand slid down her thigh. It was wrong but it felt amazing. Her pants were soft and she was warm.

"You know the worst thing about it?" John offered as he pulled his hand away and wished he had the guts to keep it there. "It was cold. Lying there in the damp jumper, I kept feeling like I was freezing."

"Carson took off your jacket," Elizabeth offered gently as her leg slipped to the floor. She was flushed now too, but her nipples were visible again and John had to admit he loved watched them.

How long had it been? Two years? Three? He was oddly proud of himself that he couldn't remember. That lasted the next twenty seconds before he remembered the divorce papers, two bottles of wine and Nancy.

"Do you remember anything?" she continued and this time she was curious instead of shy.

"Not really," John offered as he scratched his neck nervously. "Cold, dark, kinda uncomfortable--"

Elizabeth broke the distance between them and suddenly his lips were awash in a warm, wet and distinctly pleasurable sensation. She started to pull away but he caught the back of her neck and held her close. His tongue parted her lips and she gasped and let him turn the kiss into something way outside of platonic.

Then his hand was back on her thigh, and she was the one dragging it up towards her hips. John's fingers found a tiny hole in the seam of her pants and brushed skin. Elizabeth's skin was soft and cool compared to his hands. She made a tiny noise when he touched her thigh, and he got the noise again when he slipped his finger inside.

When he started to protest she just kissed him again. "No one has to know," Elizabeth Weir, goddamn Elizabeth Weir, Phd, speaker for five languages, kissed his neck and worked his way down towards his collar.

John spent exactly three seconds thinking it was a bad idea before he realized how good it was going to feel to have those piercing eyes staring down at him as she--

His fingers slipped up towards her hips and when she parted her thighs to let him in, he realized this was going to be a hell of a lot of fun. Her knee bent and one of her legs slid up. He sighed and brought her lips back to his as he advanced with his hand. Elizabeth decided two could play at this game and started undoing the laces of his pajama pants. He'd had room to expand inside of them, but her cold fingers made him stiffen as if he hadn't been touched by a girl before.

Maybe it was the mint and something he couldn't place scent of her hair, but he felt like a teenager necking in the back of his car.

John liked it. Elizabeth squirmed as his hands teased a moan of out of her. Her head went back as he realized he was finally going to get to see those little breasts he'd been fantasizing about. John reached for her shirt and she stopped him.

"You first," she anted but John chuckled.

"You already saw," he countered as he ran his hands over her stomach. Elizabeth was the combination between soft and thin that made him feel like he was undressing some kind of fairy creature.

Shrugging, Elizabeth pulled her old t-shirt over her head in one smooth motion, and John decided he had to have her breasts. His lips danced around one of them, and she had to drag his face back up to hers. Her free hand was wrapped around him and that almost felt good enough.

The not quite perfectness of the situation had his head pounding. He should take her to the bed. He should be patient.

Elizabeth tore off her pants, wrapping long naked legs around him as she climbed onto his lap. Her breasts were at eye level and he sucked a nipple until she gasped and hit him away form it. His shirt flew off and she ran her nails down his chest. It wasn't sophisticated enough to be lovemaking, but it was certainly one of the best fucks of his life.

Her back arched and she lifted herself enough to let him in. Elizabeth was still tight and he reached for her clit, trying to relax her so nothing he did would hurt her. Kissing her and moaning into her neck made her roll her shoulders and cling to him. His pants slid down just off of his ass and it was her hands that guided him in. John balanced her against him with his left hand and used his right to roll her eyes back into her head.

She bit his neck, shocking him as she lowered herself and took him deeper into the refuge of her body. There was no death there. No screaming pain and blood running down his neck. For a moment she rested her cheek against the bandage and he felt himself sigh. John was whole. He'd survived yet again and he was wrapped up in her.

Elizabeth's legs slipped behind his back and he slid forward on the couch. She was slipping closer, flattening herself against his chest. He had to work to keep his hand on her clit, but it was worth it for the growl in her voice. She almost forgot and grabbed the bad side of his neck. John turned her lips and kissed her until she broke it to groan something that might have been his name.

It was hot. She was hot. Elizabeth was the best thing to happen to him in either galaxy and for the next few moments he was going to enjoy that. She twisted her hips inward, changing the angle as she ripped his hand away and panted in desperation. Pressing her head into his chest, Elizabeth couldn't fight him when he brought his fingers back. Instead, she squirmed, writhing against him before the sobbing broke from her throat.

Pausing so she could catch her breath, he wondered if she was going to keep breathing. Elizabeth choked and released her death grip on his arm. Collapsing against him, she struggle to find herself again. Keeping a hand on the back of her head, he waited for her. When she lifted her head and kissed him there was a new hunger in her. She knew him now. Elizabeth had passed the point of being companionable strangers and pushed through to intimate. Her eyes had something truly terrifying, but he liked it. He couldn't look away and all he could feel was her. Her hands on his shoulders as she changed position, her breasts against his chest, and her lips hot on his neck.

John grabbed her ass with both of his hands and buried himself deeper. He nibbled her upper lip and waited for her sigh of acceptance. He didn't want to push her, do anything she didn't-

"God, John--" she murmured into his neck and her hand splayed across his shoulder. Elizabeth rocked, grinding into him before she pulled herself almost free. That almost got him. The sudden shift between cold air and the heat of Elizabeth was enough to make him whisper something that made her start to laugh. It was the throaty laugh that made him feel like his eyes were rolling up in his head.

He felt her nipple brush his cheek as he buried his head in her chest and cried out. His body was done, spent inside of her and he could have lived for the beat of her heart. Elizabeth's hands were in his hair. Her skin was wet against him. He was warm and alive. Alive.

He kissed her again and found the hint of his sweat on her lips. She still wanted to laugh, but Elizabeth settled for a sigh into his neck. "Thank you," she murmured gently. "Thank you for coming back."

"Anytime."

b II. "The Eye" /b 

Rain was drumming on her windows and she couldn't sleep. It was the biggest storm since THE storm and Elizabeth was having a hard time letting go of the fact that the city was going to be okay. It wouldn't be so bad if she couldn't hear the rain. Nothing she did helped her sleep. She'd even given in and had the Athosian beer Carson had offered her when she turned down his offer of sleeping pills.

Elizabeth wasn't too that point. Deciding if she couldn't sleep and she might as well get work done, she dragged herself out of bed and headed down the hall with her expedition jacket pulled on over her pajamas. Command was empty. The night shift was allowed to run things from the auxiliary center, closer to the mess hall and the rest of the civilization. She didn't want people falling asleep on duty.

Slipping into her office, Elizabeth was buried in mission reports and still not tired when he slipped in.

"You okay?" John asked as he slumped into the chair across from her.

Startling nearly out of her chair, Elizabeth put her hand over her heart and waited for it to stop beating so quickly.

John grinned lazily and apologized. "Didn't mean-" he started as he reached for one of her trinkets to play with.

"Sorry," Elizabeth shook her head and sighed the nervousness out of her chest. "The rain was loud."

John nodded and turned the sculpture over in his hands. "Thought it might be," he replied as he stood up, seeming like he was going to put down one for the other and instead, circling the desk to her. He dropped his hands to her shoulders. Surprising her as much as the hand-holding after her brush with death had.

She'd needed him, desperately to cling to because she'd almost been taken. Elizabeth had realized in that stark moment that death was a bullet away, and death was one of the better ends. If he hadn't- well, her mind ran off that way and her body just shuddered.

"Carson said-" John stopped as if she was about to yell at him.

"Yes," she nodded and looked up at him, wishing she could throw herself into his arms and let go of everything. Elizabeth didn't have that option. She couldn't be weak. She couldn't have doubts. John had saved her and that was it. She was safe now.

Her hands were still shaking.

Dropping down in front of her, John covered her hands with his. "Sometimes I think it's not worth it," he started warming her hands and he smiled. "That maybe one of these days I'll fuck up and come back through that 'gate in a big black bag."

When she started to speak he touched her lips. Elizabeth couldn't get over the taste of his hands. Clean and dry, like leather, and she was oddly comforted by that.

"You weren't going," he promised softly. "I didn't care what I had to do, I wasn't going to lose you."

"John--" she pleaded through his fingers. Elizabeth didn't have the words for that. No one had ever looked at her and completely taken her soul in his hands. No one had made her feel like she could trust him like that. It was almost frightening. Her life had been completely in his hands and everything had been all right. "I can't listen to the rain."

"It wasn't supposed to happen," John explained as he lifted her from her chair and started walking towards the balcony. "You're not supposed to be in the line of fire. I had to fix it."

The door slid open and rain poured down on the balcony. For a long moment they just watched it, listening to it pour down and wondering if it was ever going to sound safe again. John reached out his hand, but Elizabeth walked right into it. The rain soaked her hair, flattening it to her head before she turned to look at him. "Would you have killed him?"

It didn't seem wise to answer her question. Somethings were better left unsaid, and he walked into the rain after her. Kissing made the water seem less cold. In fact, there was a heat inside her that seemed to pour into him. The tiny moan Elizabeth made in her throat was way too much of a turn on. He backed her towards the edge of the balcony, pushing her into the railing.

It was freezing out there in the rain, but at least this rain wasn't horizontal like the hurricane had been. Elizabeth was the one who went further and started undoing her pants. Something told her it wasn't right, but the more he kissed her the less she cared.

Maybe they were both desperate. Maybe it was sheer, stupid lust, but his hand slipped inside her pants and she dragged him towards the wall. Pulling her pants down enough to give him room to play, Elizabeth kept kissing him as he pushed her back against the cold, wet wall of the city. Icy water ran down her back and rain thundered in her ears, but John's tongue was in her mouth.

She crushed him closer, putting one arm on his shoulders and sighing as his fingers slipped inside of her. Elizabeth wasn't quite ready, it almost hurt and she relished it. Pain was part of life and she needed life. Kissing was made better by the slow progress he was making within her. She was cold, desperate and her head was pounding.

She needed it. Her eyes were starting to tingle, as if something was going off in the back of her brain. It was stupid. It was dirty. It was--

Elizabeth shuddered and cried into his chest when orgasm assaulted her. Clinging to him, she made him give her a moment in the cold rain to realized it wasn't the rain she feared. She was terrified of him. The piercing way his eyes got into her brain, and the cold violence that had saved her life. Feeling the bullet slam into Koyla's shoulder again in her memory, she gasped and clung tighter to him.

Kissing him saved her from talking, and his lips wound around her wet skin to her ear.

"Jumper bay," John murmured and Elizabeth felt him pressing against her. Buttoning her pants again, she let herself be dragged from the rain, and then she took a turn dragging him up the stairs.

John pushed her back into a jumper, stripping off her sodden jacket as he waved to open the watch. His fell away as he chased her inside, Elizabeth felt her skin sting in the chill air as she tore off her shirt. The red fell to the floor as she watched him pull of his pants. He waved his hand to close the door as she pulled him down on top of her. Elizabeth wrapped a leg around his back and ground her body against his until he started to harden in spite of the cold.

Ripping his shirt over his head, she kissed her way across the bruises on his skin. They were healing, gold and green, but each one was precious. Marks on the hero who always come home. He bit her neck, and the moan in her throat became a sob. She was so empty her body ached to keep the contact. Hands dug into his back as John wriggled free of his boxers. Their pants were still caught around their feet, and the angle was a little awkward.

Looking her straight in the eye, he entered. Nothing ever got her quite prepared for the sudden sensation of full. Thrusting followed, slowly at first as he worked out a better position. Her legs parted and her natural flexibility worked to her advantage as John parted her thighs. The jumper was cold beneath her back, and his body smacked against hers, but it was hard to hear over the sounds she was making.

Elizabeth didn't mean to. She had no intention of sobbing into his neck, but this was safe. She didn't have to admit how afraid she'd been. She didn't have to voice her helpless frustration that a madman could just grab her and there was nothing she could do. John was still looking at her, staring into her eyes and kissing her. He'd been afraid he was hurting her, but she kept him close.

His knee slipped around hers and he was deeper. His eyes were darkening, Sweat was chasing cold water from her skin and she didn't give a damn about being on the chill floor of the jumper. John was warm. He pushed himself past, staying with her longer than she expected. He was deep inside of her when he came. John moaned and collapsed against her. Something intangible changed. Something was released and her heart was pulsing in her teeth when he started to kiss her again.

Her hand lay lazily on his lower back, and he'd crushed the other one beneath his on the deck of the jumper. His wet hair tickled her cheek, and he lifted his head to watch her. John's fingers roamed lazily over her face. Feeling out the features and lines of her chin. There was truth in his eyes.

Elizabeth wondered what was in hers.

b III. "Conversion" /b 

"There's enough of him in there to know me," Elizabeth half-hoped, half-promised to calm Carson's nerves. "We'll just talk."

Her promises meant nothing when as soon as she walked in. John moved like a demon, pressing her to the wall. Her head thudded back and her eyes snapped back open into his. They were still yellow, empty and hungry.

"John-" As soon as she spoke, he covered her mouth. Elizabeth realized he might not understand what she was saying. His eyes were confused, dark and alien.

His hand was hot and smooth against her lips. John buried his nose in her neck and licked the drop of seat from her hairline. Shivering involuntarily, she tried not to think about the pressure of his body against his. Especially the way he had forced his hips tight against her. Carson hadn't mentioned that kind of hunger.

His eyes flickered as he tasted her sweat. John closed them for a moment, as if he had to interpret what her hormones were saying. Could he taste her fear? Was there something else there?

Dropping away from her face, his hand landed on her breast and Elizabeth suddenly realized what the hunger was. Was Carson watching? Did he know what was going on? One of John's long nails cut through her shirt and he stared at the red string on the end of it before he tore it open.

"John, you don't know what you're doing," Elizabeth managed to protest as her shirt tore open and he leered at her exposed skin. He touched her lips with the pad of his finger, rubbing sweat across her lips as if he thought she'd understand if she could taste what he felt. All she could taste was salt and a hint of something she could only call alien. It reminded her of moss, or the time she'd been served insects.

He still didn't speak. Elizabeth wasn't sure he remembered how. His hand rested over her chest, holding on to her heartbeat as she felt it race within her. John had to sense her fear. He had to know that anyone, even him, ripping her clothes bordered on a violation. Her neck was still sore from the wall and his hands.

Slipping into her lips, John stole a trace of her saliva and tasted it. His dark, desperate eyes softened and he pulled back. Tearing his own shirt from his body, shredding it with his nails, he put her hands on his chest. His skin was still mottled, and dry, like a snake's smoothness. He dropped his hands to his sides and let her hands run up to his throat. Holding her hands over his pulsing blood vessels, he challenged her with a grunt.

Elizabeths hands trembled as she lowered them to his belt buckle. The plastic slipped beneath damp fingers and she didn't get it to snap free until the second try. His boxer shorts barely held his erection. As it pressed against her stomach through the thin fabric, Elizabeth wondered if Carson had been trying to warn her that the biochemical response between them would be sexual. Why wasn't she listening? Why had the fact that he was alone been all she could think about?

Her heart was racing. Elizabeth's skin was too tight and without his hands on it she was going to crawl out of it. John's face was buried in her neck and she could smell the nervous sweat in his hair. He smelled like he'd been running. He was already breathing hard, and they'd barely touched. His breath was a question. His hands on her breasts, waiting to shred her bra like he had her shirt, were anticipating her answer.

Backing up, Elizabeth softly removed her bra as he watched her. She set it and the ruins of her shirt in a heap on the corner of a chair and reached for her pants. His eyes burned her skin as he seemed to commit all of her to memory. Elizabeth shivered slightly and took a step back towards him. John was waiting with his pants around his ankles, unmoving as she insinuated her nude body against his.

"It's all right," she murmured into his hair and he lowered his nose to her chest.

John's nose trailed up across her face. His forehead stopped against hers and his lips waited centimeters away. He must be able to smell her hesitation; sense her fear and know he was supposed to stop. Tentatively reaching out with her tongue, she licked his upper lip and left her answer in a damp spot on his lips.

"It's all right," Elizabeth repeated as she dropped to the floor to remove his pants. One of his hands caught her hair and wrapped it around his fingers. He tightened it until it almost hurt, and she stood up suddenly. Shaking her head, she kissed him just enough to share the pain he'd caused. His yellow eyes flashed dark with what passed for apology.

Elizabeth stood on his pants as he finally removed his feet from them, and she was gentle as she slipped the elastic of his boxers down over the curve of his ass. Her patience frustrated him and John tore the material from between his knees and tossed it aside. The skin on the inside of his knees turned pink in protest and she couldn't help wondering if he even felt pain. Would he feel her?

The hand in her hair tipped up her head. John stared through her eyes and pushed her back. Her thighs hit the bed; Elizabeth startled and felt his hands on her hips as he pulled her up. As if he knew his hands would be too rough, John dropped his mouth to her clit and sucked.

The initial contact brought tears to her eyes as her head snapped back. He pulled the sensitive tissue into his mouth and held it, as if he was learning the way of her. Tasting as he explored, John's tongue found it's way lower as his roughened hands dropped to her breasts. She gasped and they slipped lower, holding her in place as he searched.

John's head popped up at the sound and he studied her as she bit her lip. Running his tongue in a slow circle, he felt her squirm as more of the high pitched sound escaped her lips. He liked it. There was a hint of a smile on his face as he moved through the short dark curls covering her pubic bone. Carefully holding her skin only with the palms of his hands, he nuzzled his way up between her breasts and finally settled on her chin.

The stubble on his face was damp and smelled vaguely of her. John's tongue slipped into her lips and toyed with her teeth. He knew she was aroused, however tense she still was, and he took her. Hr spine went straight and Elizabeth had tears in her eyes again. She was full, almost too full of him, and he hadn't even started to move yet. Pulling her legs up and bracing them on his back helped a little, but her teeth were still on edge as dry touch of his hands started down her back.

Waiting a moment, John started to move slowly. His face was still close to hers, and her gasping breath went into the skin of his neck. When her head snapped back, he nuzzled her ear. He was making a sound. Elizabeth could barely hear it over the intrusive sound of her struggle for control. John was humming. It was scratchy, deep and most likely subconscious, but he was slipping into a slow rhythm that jarred her heartbeat.

Grabbing his head, she pulled it from her shoulder and held him. Elizabeth could feel her lost tears cool on her skin, but she needed the understanding. She had to get her taste of him. John didn't seem to remember how to return a kiss when she desperately crushed his lips. His tongue was slow to respond and seemed to be more in search of the taste of her than replying.

Breaking the contact, Elizabeth felt him clean her cheeks of tears and end with his lips on her forehead. Her knees rose higher, and his hands parted her thighs for a better angle. Straining her back, she turned the angle of her hips and felt his skin collide with her clit. Rocking into him as she moved, she brought his hands back to her breasts and moved his hands to knead them.

That extra touch started her head reeling, and Elizabeth felt a shiver of relief as her body started to feel with him. The tightness eased down from pain to an ache of wanting. Moving to meet him as he slipped deeper, she felt the hum in his chest as he held her. He couldn't know he was doing it, but it was important. It was changing, altering pitch as he started to make more desperate circles with his hips.

Kissing him again drew a growl of response, and Elizabeth reached for her clit with eager fingers. Fumbling as he sped, she heard the smacking of their flesh together and drew him deeper. John's claws dug into her ribs and she wondered if he was sensing her rawness. Her body was starting to condense sensations until all that mattered were her fingers and the steady fullness of him within her.

Forgetting caution, Elizabeth fell forward, closer to him as her body clamped down in orgasm. Her head sailed as if she'd hit a wall of heat. The shaking, base of her skull, feeling slipped down and tightened around him.

John bit her lip when he came. The spasm of his body made her tighten the hands on the back of his neck as his talons broke the skin on her chest. The sudden jolt of pain made her squeak into his mouth and for a moment Elizabeth saw a hint of humor.

He remained standing, satiated and limp within her, John was content with the taste of the fresh sweat on her neck. Touching the blood with her fingers proved it wasn't serious. Brushing it aside on the white sheet covering the bed, Elizabeth tried to coax him into the bed with her.

Sliding out of her left a damp spot on her leg that ran down towards her knee, but he agreed to join her. He lay on his side, eyes fixed on her as she reached for the sheet.

"Sleep?" Elizabeth asked him as she realized Carson might have seen and heard the entire exchange. Her body melted against his, and she lifted his arm to slide in against his chest. She didn't mean to be tired. Admitting the toll losing him had on her was outside the realm of the possible, but he was tired so she wanted to sleep.

His arm fell around her shoulder and settled onto her stomach. The rumbling hum in his chest was calming and nearly inaudible. He snuggled his head into her neck and sighed softly. His breath was soothing and the heat of his body even more so.

When Carson woke her to give John the final shot of his serum, Elizabeth just smiled sleepily and pulled the sheet tighter around her. John was with her and he was safe. It was as if her internal monologue had changed to accommodate his presence, and she had no intention of letting him go.

b IV. "Common Ground" /b 

Late night kitchen raids were something that never got old. He hadn't been able to sleep yet, and just trying to read his book through the growling of his stomach was getting ridiculous.

Elizabeth had found him sitting alone in at a table covered in food. Her head ached from unshed tears. She'd literally watched him die only to have him strut through the 'gate as if nothing had happened, well, not nothing. John had singlehandedly managed to advance her opinion of the Wraith several notches while reminding her the nastiest species in the galaxy, after the Goa'uld, seemed to be her own. She was after tea and something to settle the ibuprofen in her stomach so she could attempt going to sleep.

John waved her over enthusiastically, even holding up a piece of something chocolate-looking and pointing to the chair next to him. She knew she should have gone to bed because that was probably the only thing that was going to get rid of her headache. There was just something intoxicating about his enthusiasm. He kicked a chair back from the table and waved to it with an elbow.

"You have to try this," John commanded as he set chocolate cake, dripping with half-melted ice cream in front of the chair and dug his fingers into a combination of Jello and whipped cream that might have once been pretty. Now the blue was kind of strange color, but he didn't seem to mind.

"Hungry?" she wondered as she contemplated the chair with her arms over her chest.

"Not really," John answered with a grin as he licked whipped cream from his lip. "I just needed to taste some things."

Rising an eyebrow, she looked at the line of empty plates and shook her head. "Who knew the Wraith were such metabolism starters?" Elizabeth asked as she sank into the chair and wondered if he expected her to eat with her fingers as well. "Fork?"

"Forgot," John explained as he swallowed a mouthful of Jello and grinned wickedly. "I could feed you."

Elizabeth looked over at the forks meters away and sighed. Her tea was still steeping and the cake did smell good. The ice cream was going to be harder to eat; she decided as she reached towards the frosting.

"Not like that!" John admonished laughing as he took her hand away and used his own sticky fingers to pick up a large hunk of cake. Holding it in front of her mouth, he waited as she stared at him incredulously. "Just try it?"

Under normal circumstances, she never would have let him, but he was alive. He was back and nothing was really going to ruin that. Elizabeth opened her mouth and nearly choked when he pulled his fingers out of her mouth. Laughing his apologies, John's hand covered hers as she chewed the squishy, sweet mess.

"Good?" he teased as he picked up a bite for himself. Watching her swallow and reach for a napkin, he kissed her cheek, leaving a new sticky mark where clean skin had been. Still laughing, John brushed her lips with his thumb, stealing frosting and licking it off.

"I've never tasted anything like this, any of this," he explained as he waved his hand over his expanse of dishes. "It's like I've had a cold for the rest of my life and I can only really taste things now."

"Anything else odd?" Elizabeth wondered giving up trying to remove the stickiness from her face and just watching him stuff more Jello into his.

"Dunno," John shrugged with a mouth full of food. "Suppose-" he paused and swallowed. "Went for a run for five kilometers, sparred with Teyla, played chess with Zelenka, bothered McKay...you know, pretty average day." He reached for a plate of cheese and crackers and put off the dessert fix for awhile. As he sandwiched cheddar between two crackers and reached for roast turkey, he titled his head at her. "You?"

"Paperwork," Elizabeth sighed and bounced her tea bag in her cup. "You not being dead is worth about five pages for the IOA."

"Sorry," he teased ruthlessly studying her hands and the smear of chocolate on her face.

"You being dead would have been slightly less," she managed to tease back, nearly pleased with herself.

"Well, next time," John joked coldly as he decided she was wasting her cake and attacked that.

"No," she answered immediately staring down at her tea and wondering why her eyes hurt viciously all of a sudden.

"What?" he asked licking his fingers and looking up in surprise.

"I'm not ready to joke about that," Elizabeth replied forcefully staring into the stubble on his chin and realizing she'd nearly lost that completely.

"Yeah, probably a little wrong, huh?" John muttered around his fingers as he lifted a hunk of cake as a peace offering.

Stuck between explaining how gut wrenchingly horrible it had been to watch him die and just taking the cake, Elizabeth decided sugar was the easy way out. Letting him feed her was fun after she let go of the weirdness. His fingers were surprisingly gentle in her mouth; he was making a mess of her face but the stupid grin he was wearing suggested he enjoyed it.

"You're getting me all sticky--" Elizabeth complained feeling ice cream run down her chin. Instead of reaching for a napkin, he caught the drip with his tongue. One silent look offered him permission to continue and the hot tip of his tongue ended up on her lips. His lips followed and momentarily his tongue was in her mouth, mixing with the cake.

Still laughing as he kissed her, Elizabeth felt him leave his chair. He circled around and held her.

"Better than cake," John murmured as he wandered across her cheek to remove the last of the chocolate from her skin.

"John," she protested as he insinuated himself into her lap.

"This--" he said trailing down her chin and smudging more chocolate across her face so he could chase it, "This is amazing."

"Only Sedgewick has licked my cheek," Elizabeth protested giggling as John settled on her lap and pinned her hands back as he hovered over her face with more cake.

"Well, your previous lovers must have been unimaginative," John decided firmly cradling her face in one hand and trying to decide what best to do with his cake. Eating it would be fun, getting it all over her face would be extraordinarily so, but she'd probably be annoyed.

Realizing her position was getting cake in her hair, Elizabeth sighed and freed her hands to wrap them around his back. "Since when are you my lover?" she asked half-seriously.

"I was shooting for half an hour from now," John admitted as he placed the cake in her mouth to keep her from arguing with him. "Maybe less if this goes well," he teased and wriggled in her lap. Satisfied by his new position, he grinned as if she'd pronounced him king of the city and winked.

"John," Elizabeth started trying to sound serious as she tried to ignore the fact that he was becoming aroused and it didn't seem to bother him in the slightest. He started kissing her neck and she realized he was seriously working on getting her into bed. "This isn't right."

He stopped, holding his hands around her neck and pondering for a moment. "No, I suppose--" John trailed off and stood almost as if he was apologizing. He let her stand and watched her try to regain her composure. Elizabeth was straightening her shirt when he circled her. Turning her around quickly, he stopped pretending desperately not to be incredibly attracted her to and let go.

Elizabeth hadn't been kissed like that since university, where a kiss and the sticky fumbling that followed were simply means to an end. Unfortunately, there was no way kissing John could be that blissfully meaningless. No chance of letting go and slipping back into the gray place between lovers and friends.

His lips stayed in contact when she tried to break away. John's hand caught her shoulder and steered her back. She hit the table with her butt and slid up onto it. Her body was rebelling, letting John keep kissing instead of pulling away and making the argument that his hand didn't belong on her breast. Elizabeth felt her lips break from his and heard herself sigh as he insinuated himself between her legs. "We can't do this," she protested as she heard him shove the dishes behind her out of the way. "John, you're not thinking clearly."

"Finally!" he announced as he clasped the back of her neck. "Whenever I think clearly i think this is wrong and I stop myself..."

"...John--"

"...I always stop myself before I do this--" he finished as he kissed her again, this time putting his weight over hers and bending her back to the table. Something sticky, he hadn't moved was in her hair, and there was something underneath her back, but John was staring down at her like she was the only thing in the city. He closed her eyes with his hand and covered her mouth with his. "It doesn't feel wrong, does it?" he asked her neck as he nibbled his way down to her collar.

"Can't go through life with my eyes closed," Elizabeth complained in a sigh as she wished her shirt wasn't impeding his progress.

"I want you," John explained without hesitation. "I used to care about the rest." His hand slipped down to her stomach and rested there. "I don't think I do anymore."

One of his knees was on the table next to her and he was sliding her back, even further into his mass of empty dishes. Something clattered off the edge of the table and Elizabeth wondered if he actually intended to climb on top of her and strip her in the mess hall. Part of her didn't even mind the idea. His hand trailed through her hair, sticky with melting ice cream, and pulled her earpiece from her ear. Sticking it into his pocket, he slipped off her and just held out his hand.

Sitting up made wet ice cream run down her neck, and Elizabeth realized she'd probably have to wash her jacket. John's hand waited and she could see the lines on his palm and the strength in his fingers. For that moment, she could have walked away but taking his hand was the only right answer.

Somehow they walked through the corridors. He stopped her once and got a smear of ice cream on the wall when John pressed her against it and kissed her neck. Elizabeth's hand was back against the wall, and she was biting her lip when she realized, almost belatedly, how aroused she was. How long had it been since she'd even let herself think about having sex?

Crashing her against the blue crystals as he assaulted her with a hand on her upper thigh, John laughed when she slapped him and dragged him into his quarters by his belt. His jacket was the first thing to go, falling on the floor of his room and nearly landing in the hallway.

Elizabeth fumbled out of her jacket, letting him stick his arms into the sleeves to force it off. It landed on the floor with an odd thud and his hand went to her breast again. Forcing her shirt to stretch, he teased one finger beneath her bra and laughed when she groaned in desperation and ripped the t-shirt off over her sticky hair.

John laughed when she forced his hand into the mess he'd made of her curls and reached around for her bra. Grabbing his belt as she felt her bra fall away form her chest, she freed his black-shirt and started tearing it over his head. Knocking him to the bed with it still on, Elizabeth moaned as he pulled her down and planted her crotch directly above his. He was hard, hot and already removing his pants seemed like the best idea she'd had all expedition. Kissing her way down his chest, Elizabeth stopped just above his waistband and grinned.

Lifting her as he stood up, John made her squeal as he spun them and unceremoniously dropped her to the bed. Elizabeth kicked off one shoe, and laughed as he noticed enough to tear off the other. Her sock went with it and he nibbled at her bare foot before he clumsily bent to undo his boots. Destroying one of the laces, he was about to give up when she slid off the bed and dexterously untied them for him.

Smirking as she stood, Elizabeth pressed her breasts to his chest and led him in a slow, much more thoughtful kiss as she slid his pants from his ass. One hand started pulling on his boxers as well and he returned the favor.

"Wait, wait," John panted as she pulled him back towards the bed, "What about?"

Elizabeth shoved her pants off her ankles and brought his hands to her panties. "Shhh--" she murmured as she kicked him lightly in the back of his thigh.

The idea of her headless made him grin and he ground himself a little deeper into her hips. Elizabeth squirmed beneath him, feeling the heat of his erection on the bare skin of her stomach. She couldn't remember if the infirmary even had condoms to give out. She'd made the last round of shots, hadn't she?

John stopped kissing her neck to thoughtlessly suck one of her nipples. He only tightened his grip when she cried out in shock. Drawing her nails, though they were short, down his spine, Elizabeth heard him groan and bit his shoulder for emphasis. He revolted by flipping her up so she was on top. His hands were interested mostly in her kneading her breasts, and though it was one of the days they were sore, the pressure of his hands did things to her head.

Her fingers started on her panties and he smirked as he trailed one hand lower. Taking her hand with him, he guided her fingers towards her clit. Teasing for a moment as his other hand pulled her down. Elizabeth wriggled, trying not to hurt him as she struggled out of the damned things. When she was finally free, she pulled his hand away, bent it back to the bed, and mounted him.

She'd been so tight it hurt, and her eyes stung when he kissed her. John was patient, for all his playing in the mess hall, and it was her that had to lead him. Elizabeth rocked desperately, hearing the wet glide of him in and out of her as she lifted her hips. His hands held her shoulders and then slipped around to her stomach. John reached for her clit again and this time she let him toy with it until she was biting back the pounding of blood in her head.

Moaning in his ear, she pulled the hands away and gripped them as she tried to hold on. Elizabeth wasn't ready. Now would be too soon and she wanted to hang on to him, keep him within her while she figured out exactly what she was doing. Sweat was breaking on her, running down her spine and making it easier for his hands to slide over her breasts.

John's lips still tasted faintly of chocolate and Elizabeth was certain the blood was from her. Gently kissing her back, John rocked beneath her, trying to push her closer. She shouldn't be fighting him, but she pulled away from his touch and kept his hands safe. When their eyes met, he started to understand. At least, his eyes softened and grew dark.

She needed that darkness. Elizabeth needed the pain within her, and the shuddering agony in her chest. She couldn't cry in control when he was dying in front of her and she was helpless.

When he finally managed to free a hand from her death grip, John just held her face and let her. He pulled her down to his chest, wrapped his arms around her shoulders and held her as Elizabeth rocked her pelvis slowly against him. When his fingers were deeply entrenched in her ribs, she lost control. Shaking as she nearly pulled away from him, Elizabeth broke in his arms.

Pushing her further, his fingers brushed her clit just enough for her to cry out into the skin of his neck, and there was a smug glint in his eyes as he released into her. Joined by the wetness of their bodies, she stayed on top of him. One leg slung lazily over his and her face buried in the damp hair of his chest. His hand was in her hair, and rubbing the back of her neck.

Kissing her forehead before he fell asleep, John didn't notice she kept vigil over him until light broke grayish over the ocean.

b V. "Return pt 1" /b 

It started with a headache. One of the slow, torturous ones that built like a volcanic eruption inside of her head. She had it for days and tried to fight it off with ibuprofen and nearly a hundred glasses of water but it was immobile. Elizabeth didn't mention it to John, even though the new situation had him being her team leader; a headache wasn't a crisis. It was a personal failing of hers and she would deal with it.

Elizabeth was off-world when it went bad. She had hints. A moment where she wanted to hit John and take the P-90 from his hands, another when negotiating with the farmers of M2X-55A seemed like a waste of time when they could be enslaved instead; the last warning was the boiling sense of hatred she felt whenever she looked at John.

She didn't mention it. It didn't make sense.

Then her arm moved without her moving it. Elizabeth thought she was tired, imagining things, or falling victim to an alien plague. Then someone else, the dark presence that she'd thought was just part of her headache, stood up and left the grassy hill by the 'gate. Someone else looked over the fields surrounding the Stargate and didn't understand where she was.

Phoebus watched Lieutenant Masters dial Earth for a check in. She took her time and waited for Lieutenant Simoneson to be bored and distracted before she hit the first unsuspecting lieutenant with an elbow to the back of the head. Simoneson was less bored after that, but only long enough to take a palm to the face and go down hard. Phoebus tied them up in knots Elizabeth didn't know and hid them in the alien barn.

Then she waited for John, knowing he'd come after the lieutenants missed their check in because Elizabeth knew that. Phoebus surveyed the terrain around the 'gate, wondered why the DHD on this planet was so odd and sat on the ground waiting for John.

Elizabeth was just starting to realize that Phoebus was in the wrong galaxy entirely when John meandered over the hill.

"They were just going to get you," Phoebus explained in her voice. She sounded strained, as if the monster was admitting the headache Elizabeth had been suffering, but Phoebus was concentrating her attention on her ankle. "I tripped," Phoebus explained sheepishly staring up at John.

Predictably, in a manner so frustrating Elizabeth was certain Phoebus could hear her screaming in her head, John swung his gun around and dropped to a squat next to her. "Is it broken?"

Phoebus let him reach for her ankle, even put his hands on it before she smacked him hard with a elbow to the chin and reached for the gun. In the wrestling that followed, John nearly had the upper hand until Phoebus tore the rifle from him and rested the muzzle firmly on his throat. Elizabeth could feel the metal pressing into the softness of John's throat.

To his credit, it only took a solid glance at the look on Elizabeth's face for John to realize Phoebus was back.

"Oh fuck off and give me Elizabeth back," John spat when his staring became too much and she hit him.

Phoebus watched the blood run down the corner of his chin and smirked. "What if I don't want too?"

"Then I'll take her," John threatened openly, wiping the blood aside with obvious disdain.

Elizabeth didn't like John looking at her that way. She didn't like anyone looking at her like they wanted to kill her, but John's cold, vicious glare was especially painful. Shouldn't he be doing what he did, and save her? Mentally kicking herself for being so pathetic and expecting John to white knight himself to her rescue, Elizabeth sighed. Maybe she could figure it out.

"Brave," Phoebus concluded as she kicked him over towards the DHD. "What's wrong with this thing?"

John coughed and stiffened his chest against another incoming blow as he rolled his back towards Phoebus' foot. "You don't know any of the addresses," he replied without masking his glee. "You're pathetic. You don't even know what's going on."

Phoebus dropped to the ground between him and the pedestal of the DHD. Her knee landed on his chest as she kicked him over onto his back.

Elizabeth wondered why she wasn't this strong when she was herself. Would her body be a mess of bruises when she was returned to herself again? How long would it take Carson to realign her knee after Phoebus beat the hell out of it? Why wasn't John fighting back?

"How'd you get here?" John asked carelessly staring past the knee on his chest at the drag marks in the distance dirt by the gate.

Did he know? Elizabeth asked herself as she listened to Phoebus' chaotic thoughts. She couldn't follow everything the alien was thinking, and she didn't know why Phoebus was so interesting in her memories of the village. She tried to fight the other woman, but she didn't even know how to start blocking her mind. Phoebus was different than a replicator. A replicator had to look, but Phoebus was superimposed over everything Elizabeth was. Like a stamp covering her thoughts with new ones.

"Tell me how to dial Earth," Phoebus demanded as the gun returned to John's throat.

"Fuck off," John snapped as he hit the gun away.

Elizabeth hadn't seen him like this, exhausted, despondent, it was almost like he was trying to piss off the woman with the gun. Did he want to get shot? Maybe he did. Maybe he missed Atlantis as much as she did and getting shot was the easiest way out.

Forcing that thought out of her mind, Elizabeth focused on the headache. When had it started? What had she touched? Why was it always the glowing part of toughing something that did something strange and frustrating? Was it tingling? Did she eat something strange?

Phoebus dragged herself back to her feet and pulled John up with her. "You know I have enough bullets in here to wipe out that village if I'm careful," she reminded him as she tilted her head towards the DHD. "Dial the SGC."

Elizabeth searched her mind and tried to understand why Phoebus just didn't dial it herself. She knew the code. She had to know the code. Phoebus didn't. Were there parts of her mind that were hidden? Could she actually hide something? Elizabeth wasn't aware she was consciously doing it. Had she gotten better at hiding things? Were there other thoughts in the way?

She could feel Phoebus' frustration. Could she use that? Could she make it worse?

John shrugged out of his vest and dropped it to the ground. "Are you hot?" he asked lazily, as if it still was Elizabeth next to him. "The sun's just up there today, isn't it?"

Was he given her a hint? Did it mean something? Why was he looking at her like that?

Elizabeth suddenly envisioned his hands on her breasts and remembered as vividly as she could the last time she'd had sex. Between her legs, something tightened as she remembered being caressed by Simon's tongue. He was patient, and she'd needed that while she was at the UN. Elizabeth wasn't sure if John was patient. He might have tried something else, taking control in a way few of her lovers had dared to do.

He let Phoebus push him back towards the village. Elizabeth kept waiting for the sharp blow to head that would put her out of her misery. Instead, John stripped off his shirt and flexed the now naked muscles of his back. He dropped it to the grass and kept walking.

Elizabeth thought about running her hands down his back. She imagined the feel of his sweaty skin against hers. She heard his voice in her ear, whispering her name right before it turned into a curse.

It was hot, in the midday sun.

Phoebus' control slipped for a moment and Elizabeth challenged her. She put every part of her into a single lash outwards against the wall that was Phoebus' mind. Violence wasn't the answer, just fighting Phoebus didn't seem to work. She thought about how amazing John's tongue would feel inside her mouth. How she'd stop feeling trapped and contained beneath Phoebus' mind and just be free.

Picturing John naked seemed to help. Elizabeth imagined the muscles on his legs and guessed at the curvature of his hips from what she'd seen. She focused her wanting on the emotional response. She wanted him naked so she'd connect. So he'd feel her for her, not the creature in possession of her body, but Elizabeth.

John turned around slowly, almost as if he had all the time in the world. He held his hands up empty when Phoebus' expression soured. "Give her back," he suggested without malice. His lip was still broken, but the blood was drying on his chin.

Phoebus was confused and Elizabeth cheered internally. She knew what her body wanted and she half-remembered-half-imagined hands on her inner thighs and fingers working into her. It was the combination of a thumb and forefinger that made Elizabeth's body shudder. The sociopath was beyond confused. She knew the pleasures of sex. The violent release that sated her for a time but always left her empty.

John mouthed something, Phoebus couldn't it make out, but Elizabeth knew what he was saying. She felt it reverberate through her body. Echoing through the empty places and settling down deep.

Phoebus hit him, and Elizabeth felt the flash of pain in her wrist as her body protested being used in ways to which she was unaccustomed. John whirled, catching the second fist before it impacted with his chest. He whirled her, bending her back. Phoebus struggled, straining Elizabeth's legs in her desire to escape. John pivoted, using the smaller weight of his opponent against her.

Hatred couldn't keep Phoebus on her feet.

Elizabeth felt the grassy ground slam into her back. Her breath hissed out of her chest and she felt John pin her arms back. She relaxed, letting it happen. Knowing she was safe as long as John's eyes stared down at her. Phoebus landed a knee into his stomach that left him gasping.

John bent the knee up and outward and his hands belonged on her inner thigh. Elizabeth felt herself shiver. She imagined giving in and letting John part her legs and slip between. Phoebus railed, pulling one hand free and slamming it into the side of his head.

Lowering his damaged face, John hovered over her for a moment before he kissed her. Phoebus tried to bite his tongue and screamed her frustration towards the sky.

"No one to hear,"John reminded her. He slipped a hand up to her pants and touched the button thoughtfully. "Elizabeth," he murmured gently. "I thought it would be more romantic."

Elizabeth told him it was all right. She promised with her eyes and prayed he could see it.

Phoebus couldn't breathe. Elizabeth's body was distracted. John's hand slipped inside of her panties and found the slick tightness. His thumb covered her clit, dry and harsh against her nerves as a finger slipped within her. The scream of frustration ended in a moan.

"You know," John whispered in Elizabeth's ear. "You know you don't belong here."

His legs were heavy on hers and his left arm held hers to the ground. The air smelled like fresh hay and dust. The dust would be in her hair. Elizabeth lifted her pelvis in his hand and to her surprise it moved. Phoebus' shock was louder in her mind.

His thumb started to move as his fingers slipped deeper. The wetness came in response. A growing dampness that as only too eager to swallow his fingers.

Elizabeth tried to wrap an arm around his shoulders.

Phoebus tried to break free to slam his head into the dirt.

John knocked the gun aside and all of them heard it skip on the hard ground.

Someone led Elizabeth's hands to his belt. Elizabeth was the one who kissed him and John returned it. His tongue explained what Phoebus could never understand.

The creature was fading with Elizabeth's headache. She led John's hands up beneath her shirt to clutch her breasts beneath her bra. She cried out when he slid his pants down enough to let him in. Phoebus was losing. The first, giddy, painful thrust of John into her nearly pushed Phoebus out of her mind.

Elizabeth felt her return, but Phoebus was weakening. The tide was flowing out and she was going with it. She dug her fingertips into the smooth skin of John's back and whimpered as he bit through the fabric at her nipples. Pulling his face to hers, crushing his lips and tasting his blood, Elizabeth lifted her hips to meet him. His hands were free now because she'd stopped fighting.

She wanted him closer, deeper, and the sweat from his bare chest melting into her clothes. Elizabeth told him she loved him. She screamed it a thousand times and let it burn the darkness from her soul.

Out loud she whimpered his name, and started to shake when her body released the monster. She kept trembling as he cupped her face and watched tears form on her eyelids. Elizabeth gasped in, feeling her breath keep her that far from dying as he grew silent. The wet slid of him in again was all it took. Heat bloomed within her, exploding into her extremities.

Elizabeth's fingers were tingling as she clung to him. John's eyes were on hers. His heart was there, raw and within them as if he'd dredged it up.

"Thought I--"

"Yeah," Elizabeth murmured as she kept him over her. Listening to him pant was the prettiest sound she'd ever heard. "I guess I got a little lost."

"Don't do it again."


End file.
